The Highest Order Of All Complications In Life

Saturday's Mocktale

My Saturday started on the Thursday I had my annual leave. I studied for the exam... hard enough till Saturday morn. At about 2.30am on Saturday, I called it quits for my mugging. My brains felt like a sponge soaked in water for 2 days. It was saturated enough to make me feel there was weights piled on above my neck.

For the PTD exam, I was ready enough. At least I thougth so. There was a malay saying about how I felt, "Dah cuba sedaya upaya, kini tawakal sahaja". And so, I woke up at about 6am on the Saturday and left for SMK Aminuddin Baki, Kampong Pandan. At the school, I met many like myself, all geared up for the exam. Except maybe for one gal, who did not bring a pencil, can you imagine that? It was stated pretty clear on the letter of invitation, to bring such stationary. I was wondering, did she stumble upon this gathering for the exam, or was she forced to come... PTD, so much for competency. But I also reminded myself: Never underestimate these ppl by the way they dress or bring themselves. The ones that look like trash are the ones who are worthy of themselves.

I was actually proud of myself yesterday. I had one fear... the essay writing. A 350 words Malay essay was like the biggest nitemare to me, in fact I had them just the week before, if you remembered me saying it in one of my posties. Nightmare.. but turned out, I was actually flowing the minute I manage to come up with the introduction. I was amazed at my own capability. After five years of not writing even a malay language essay, I pulled tru quite well. I even manage to slip in one of them idiom at the end of it. The famous "melentur buluh biarlah dari rebungnya" was my choice.

At the end of the 4.30pm, I was satisfied with my performance. It was a battle won, whether I made it into the PTD or NOT, I won. I was proud of myself for not running away from the exam. I went there, faced my fears and I won my pride and self worthy. And then I decided, that is what I will try to achieve this year, to face my fears.

I did one, the mb issue. And then, the ex-bf issue. And now, the PTD exam. I am not all that ignorant on political, economical and world issues after all. The best bit was, after that whole day session of brain squeezing, pres booked tickets for Elektra. And he bought me soursop fruit. That was like a suprise treat for me. How sweet of him.

And later at nite, we went to Monterez to watch NRG play. Agus, my workmate joined us. Boy, oh boy, someone had the time of his life "loosing himself". Way to go! He got on well with sherrie my best mate. All of us danced like there was no tomorrow. And there was this superly drunk women, banging the stage. I swear she was the "dancing queen". I also had a nice chat with Errie and I found out where he's from. Eheheheh... he's from Ampang!

Point is, yesterday I had a mixture of hectic and fun. It was the perfect mocktail. Everyone was happy by 3am. It was a perfect Saturday. Also, I found out on Friday that my boss gave us all Bonuses this year. Way to go En. Ameer! That was just awesome.

How can my weekend get any better than this? Today is Sunday.. I'm just chilling it for a bit till Monday strikes in. I am feeling at the top of the world today, just a lil tired. Tired but contented.

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 10:01 AM |

A girl can use this once in a while

Annual leave...

Yes, THE golden 14 days of the year in a working person's life. Days when you can just sit on your big fat ass and do nothing all day long. Or enjoy a nice mocktail on a hot day like this. Spring out in the sun like Garfield and say... "Life is beautiful".

Back to reality, feel the bloody gravity.

I'm on my so-called study leave. Hey, I did do a wee bit of it, in the morning and just before I got hooked up on the virtual world. I am so glad for this very day. I could make a toast and praise everyone, like today will last forever.

I think I need this every now and then. It is a pity that we can only have 14 days of annual leave. In the UK, you can take the whole summer out just to go travelling. That is when stupid uni students will try sooo hard to apply for the summer placements. I was one of them, unfortunately, I never qualify.

We are deprived in many ways. I have been doing my bit of research on the government myself, all that "rancangan malaysia" shet. This is what Malaysia lack in:

We concentrate on eliminating poverty, way to go Malaysia! By providing basic neccessities, yada-yada. But the truth is, we never find quality living, for everyone to enjoy. Also, we cant hope to get that privilege because our currency depends a whole lot on the performance of other currencies, extremely powerful ones. We trade with the reference to the USD. And have you noticed how many entertaining elements, nice and fancy things comes from somewhere else, nowadays, they even import DJs, like Zouk imports the Gatecrasher from Sheffield to spin for us, not like they play a great boom, but get paid a bomb for it.

Back to the quality living issue...

I was living in the UK, with only 300 quids to spare for food, fag and entertainment, meaning shopping and stuf. But I was not once deprived. I bought Top Shop merchandise, from jeans to thong to wat not (eheheheh), I went shopping for groceries at Tesco and not Aldis. I went clubbing every weekend. Understand that dancing was my relief valve for my pressure body. I was under great stress during my third year. I bought ciggies, but I ate home made food. Sherrie used to cook for me, I'd do the washing up. Fair square. I bought original CDs, went to the movies to enjoy the good ones. Had the latest handphone during that time. Now, I cant even afford to buy a new one!

Picture this: I worked in a supermarket as a part time retail assitant. Get paid GBP 4.20 per hour (macam RM 4.20 per hour here). Maximum allowed hours for a student: 20 hrs per week
Normally do 10-20 hours a week. Average pay for a week: GBP 60

Top Shop jeans: 30 quids
Top Shop t-shirt: 10 quids
Samsung true eye: 100 quids ONLY!!
Club entrance before 10pm: Free!
After 10 : 5 pounds max for a premier club with 3 different rooms playing 3 different song genre
CDs: 12 pounds max
Movie entrance: 2.99 pounds for students
Drinks at club: 3 pounds max unless you buy wine lainlar

My dream jaguar car: 32 000 pounds
My dream jaguar s-type in malaysia: half a million ringgit?!

Lavish lifestyle for someone who has only 300bucks in the pocket for the month ait? Well, if you have 300 bucks in Malaysia, you can dream on to think if it will take you as far as retaining youself for 2 weeks if you were to adopt that sort of lifestyle.

But you dont get many Jags on the road in the UK, though it is considerably cheap. One reason, if you are NOT self-employed, you can dream on, the idea of a government that allows everyone to enjoy Quality Living, they dont encourage the rich to get richer. The highest taxation rate there is 40% whereas, in Malaysia the highest taxation rate on income goes up to 28%. But I would agree to pay 40% to have the Quality living I was once having back then in the UK.

There will be many richies I know out there who would disagree with my idea. Because this issue does not benefit them in anyway. However, we, Malaysia is doing better than countries like India and Indonesia, where the corruption rate is so high, you have to pay to get yourself a job. At least we are above that. And I am glad for us. Maybe with someday, I will be able to do something about this. Who knows...

Another I miss back in the UK... my pampering sessions, when I would get a bottle of Imperial Leather Bath Bubbles, the mango one. Let the water run in the bath tub, pour one third of the bath liquid and wait for the bubbles to rise.

Then climb into the tub for a whole one hour, talking to a friend on the my samsung (usually Sakinah), with my ciggie on the other hand.. just enjoying the moment. Call me posh, yea whatever.. but trust me, after a whole day or mind cracking in class and feet aching from standing too long at the supermarket till, that very one hour in the bath tub feels more than HEAVEN for me.

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 8:50 AM |

The dancing baby in Ally McBeal is freaky

Lunch break are more like ciggie break to me these days. Smoking a hell like there will be no tomorrow. Sometimes, it makes me wonder: Am I a walking, talking chimney?

I am listening to Indon songs again.. the song denting. I feel mellow today. Stressed because of my work, and the fact that I dont want to be called back to work on Thursday or Friday, which will be my leave off work, to study dear Kenegaraan shet again.

Oh yes, this is a small tribute to my receptionist girl. Who is really sweet and usually does the favour of typing tender stuff for me. She is my age, at 24 and already was given the honour to be a mama yesterday. At 12noon on the 25th of January she was given a baby girl. After all the sleepless nites and vomitting sessions, it was worth it after all.

I havent gone to the hospital to visit her. But I will, maybe with a nice lil pwesent for the cute baby girl. I thought it would be a boy, I would personally appoint myself as the God'mother for that baby. And I even suggested names for her baby. I have 2 annoying sisters at home. That is more than a handful, so... you get the picture.

Anyways, maybe someday I will have a kid myself. I was thinking two cute boys. I even have their names created, back while I was bored and single in the UK. Wanna know their names? Oh well, I am gonna name them anyway. Just to piss you people off.

Pres have indeed agreed with their names. He gave me the honour of naming them. What a sweet darling he is. So here goes...

My first born: Mekhei'il bin Shahrulfazli
Who will be called mike or mekhei. Funny, but I actually got that off Eminem's bits of rap in the 8th mile soundtrack, after mekhi phifer.

My second and the last one, hopefully: Ishmei'il bin Shahrulfazli
I just like the name, and plus one of the prophets was named Ismail. And he'd be called Miles.

If I was the father, not the one bearing all the pain and suffering for nine sweet months, I would want a baby probably immediately after getting hitched. But since I will be the one going through all that.

Some reasons I will give to avoid a baby later when I get hitched. I will be living with a man who in dying need of kids, you should see the way his eyes twinkles with the presence of my kid cousins, so it was through desperation that I got myself prepared for his later requests:

1 - I am a baby myself, how can I even begin of having one when I cant take care of my 'baby' self

2 - The usual financial issue

3 - I will be neglected. The child and I have to fight over daddie

4 - We have to cherish the early honeymoon years first (what the?)

5 - We are too young to have kids

6 - We want the best for our kids, so we have to sooo prepared

7 - I am still the 'baby'

And dont worry, many more will eventually pop up. I am terrified to death about this baby issue. It's sooo scary..

I will go and meet her, then do the usual interviewing thing I will do. Like a reporter that I am. Make sure the details are right, it will give more alibis, in order to avoid later baby issue with pres. Ahaks!

All the mothers to be... mighty good luck to you! And when you already have one. I would say... I raise my hats to you!

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 6:38 AM |

If you have nothing nice to say...

Then, dont say anything at all

I was taught that way. Maybe, that is why I would say mean things. My own way of rebelling.

Tired. It is only Tuesday but I am feeling so tired. A sign of aging. Even, Olay's total effects can not cure me. Paid a bomb for that by the way. These days, you pay a bomb for everything that is good for you, or not. Like ciggies. I pay a bomb for them.

I woke up this morning with no sense of feeling. Emptiness. I got some courage to get out of bed and head for my very very routined life. Annoying. I do wish I am one of them decision makers, who gets up whenever, for whatever different everyday. And work during the odd hours. Even, the occasionally karoake session is working. They call it client entertaining session. WHatever. And get some entertainment for themselves as well.

They earn the biggies just having fun, and most of the time, golfing, meetings at some posh place, and yea, decision making. But no one can say a word if you end up making bad desicions. All for one reason, you are the BOSS. I realised one thing, even if you are stupid, but have the big bucks, people would respect you. The thing about having the big bucks, is that they grow. Many "money at work" schemes to support that. And make the rich richer. The lazy lazier and the dumb ones, dumber? Tsk tsk tsk.

Again, my question on wealth or glory? I'd still go for wealth, because in the end, even how stupid you are, glory kicks in with respect and fear. And it is all still about the mohoney.

Sad, but true

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 2:05 AM |

The Canai Issue

This has been bugging me for a bit here. Especially last Sunday. Topic says it all, the Canai issue.

You know how I went yada-yada over my breakfast a few posties ago rite? Yea, breakfast is an essential part of my life. Okay, I made a big fuss over it, probably way bit over the top than usual. Okay, I admit it, I am pissed off. Why? Here goes...

Like it is the most important meal of the day says the expert, as it is in mine. Breakfast. So I take pride in my food, especially that time of the day. Okay, since it is a Sunday, and I wake up like at 11, so the time has differed from the usual 8 plus to 12.30 noon.

Pres and I will take our sweet Sunday drive down to the nearest mamak, and we'll do the usual order of kopi tarik (mine) and teh-o ais (pres) and when the minute I say roti canai satu. The mamak guy goes, "roti malam saja". Yesterday (sunday), I have had it. I was hungry and you know how cranky I get when I am hungry. And they wouldnt let me have my roti canai. I just stood up, like a biatch. And left the shop. My poor darling pres had to bear with me. But he understood. Thank God he appreciates his meal and very very particular about it as well. I used to call him Mr Posh Spice.

Anyways, not one but 2 shops refuse to feed me with roti canai. For God's sake, since when that they had a curfew on roti canai? My dad used to run a mamak outlet, and I never knew there was a time and a place for canais? Did my request for canai exceeded the decent-o-meter? Why? Lucky for me, I manage to get hold of one of these shops which served canai at 1.00pm.

And so I had my piece. And I was content and happy, my Sunday was fulfilled. I did not eat till it was dinner time. As I was doing the day before, I studied the Kenegaraan shet. Somehow, I found it pretty much interesting. And it made me wonder, while I was in secondary school, the subject History was such a torment. I hated it, even the person teaching it. I manage to discuss on this subject with pres over the canai, and we both decided and agreed at the end of the day...

The subject was not so much of a torment.

It was me, I was a tormented child.

I was not abused, nor was assaulted. But my parents made everything about studying so much of a duty. That I outgrew it. I was more exam orientated than I was interested in knowledge. I went to school because I was forced to. Because mom told me, "If you dont go to school and do well, you will end up working in the market". And I believed her. I know, mothers, and what they feed their childrens' minds.

Anyway, fact is, morning with a piece of canai and pres, reminising the past. My childhood. I am now so different. No more that stupid child who believed everything. Which explains, my thoughts on everyone is evil knevil, including myself.

However, I am over that child who was torment by the word education. I think working made me realised that studying was fun somehow. Only if you look at it that way. And pres has a point, arguing about it was even better. Especially when you have me, who never wants to ever, ever, ever lose. And pres, who's ever so knowledgable. What a genuis! I wished I could steal his brain for a day while I sit for the exam and then, give it back to him, once I am done.

Tonite, he'll be back from Kemaman. But I am not too sure if he will come to see me. It must be real tiring. That five hours drive and the morning meeting with Exxonmobil. I do wish to see him. I miss him. I thought about him a lot. That means, I miss him rite? I aint too sure. Maybe I am just afraid of needing someone so much. Or maybe I am just afraid of admitting it to myself? Or maybe just both? Probably.

Fact is, I wished he'd come and see me. But I wont tell him, because then it will be an obligation for him to come and see me. This aint about ego. This is about being considerate, for him. Okay, maybe this is about ego. I am still contemplating. But somehow, I know he'll come to see me, without me telling him. Because he loves me. I have realised something. This is the signs and symptoms of someone being a sick lil puppie. And someone who's in despair. Who cant think straight. Someone in love.

Maybe I am in love. I dont know, you tell me. After that mb incident, I made a vow not to love and here I am, standing where I am about to fall, but I refuse to fall, because I cant see the ground and I dont trust the fact that I will fall into a nice spongy bed of roses, as promised by pres.

Oh well, these are some of my stupid insecured mind and heart dancing while pres is gone for a business meeting! How silly of me. Pardon me, for this postie, but yea, if you folks have any comments with regards to this, with all respect, say it out. Or slap me out of my deluded self at least!

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 4:14 AM |

Piles of paper and some thoughts..

This is one of those usual weekends when I am actually staying in. What am I doing to my wasted weekend? Studying like a damn geek. But I aint that sorta person who can just sit and read for hours. Nah-ah!

Also I have indeed applied for a 2 days leave from my anuals, and guess what? My nice considerate boss approved it. Eventhough I knew he himself wasnt in the best of his moods, but yeps, he approved. So, I'll be off work by Thursday.

Saturday will be a big day for me. However, I stopped having nightmares on failing it. Thank God. That just freak the hell outta me and I know my day after next wont be so much of a happening one.

However, tonite I will be going down to Bangsar perhaps, just to chill off. And spend the 2 days worth of not seeing pres with quality time. Also, he'd be off to Kemaman tomorrow, Sunday and wont be back till Monday nite. So all of this is a call for quality time. Hanging out with my best friend, sharon, my sis and my baby at bangsar. It will be a party. Just splendid!

I might go down to shadows just for some boogie woogie (as my boss would call it). The need for loud music and free movement. That is my defination of FUN.

Now, I will be hitting my books... back to the geek I was a quarter ago.

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 5:40 AM |

Coffee and CD

Back to the jolly ol me. This strongly has got to do the fact that today is a 'Friday'. As in, tomorrow is a jolly holiday! Yaahooo...

Happy as Larry. Hoppy as bunny! It wont be so much a holiday for me, I have the studying to do, as I have been doing all this 2 weeks! And I just heard the news that my friend, Sharon will be down for the weekend.

One thing, I never ditch my friends. The invitation to hang out is just so tempting, like the devil's call. I have also just applied two days of leave, to study, believe it or not! This exam shet is driving me nuts!

It has also been days since I had a taste of coffee. There will be time of the month when I keep myself away from caffeine. So today I had my first cup after days... how satisfying. Yummie... Just to say what the subject has to do with this postie. Sesaja merapu. Izinkan saya meluahkan isi hatiku. Yea, whatever...

I just giberrish this morn, it's a holiday tomorrow. Raya aidha, I feel bad for the cows though. I am an aminal, I mean animal lover. And I do enjoy eating them too. It's just that, I cant see them go through the process of being food. Man, I miss my two kitties at home. They are my favorite. After neo's death, they came into my life. Blessed with Rasta and Smeagols, my stressful life is, let's see destressed by their presence.

That reminds me, when I get my pay, I need to..
1- Get kittie's shampoo
2- Friskies soft canned foor for kittens
3- Lil ratty for them to run around with

God, I love both of them babies. Like kids, running aroung chasing this ball I got Neo back then, with a bell in it. But I think it's too heavy for them, so the ratty will do. Also, abang arrow (my big fat 7kg cat) needs some kinda vaccination for his skin problem.

I should get a picture of my lil kitties, so you guys can see how cute they are. Like a pillow, like a friend who always listens, like extasy, like the jolly lolly, that is what they are to me. I miss them all... even mama, tacy and soxymulsion.

I wanna go home, and give them a nice good huggie later.

Told you today, I'm in my best of moods

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 2:25 AM |

Emotional Sucker

I admit it. Yes, I am one of them.

I was bored, as usual at work. So I decided to get busy. Played Dominoes on yahoo. But after awhile, I decided that I am tired of it as well.

And so I started my quest again. Browsing through for blogs... pages after pages and after another, found one that caught my eye.

Agony, egoism, sarcasm, art, poetry and what not. A mix of emotions. I surrendered to my feelings. I cried. Touched by her lines, I indulged my depression of which I felt this morning. I succumbed to my solemness. I am a lonely being, I long for something of which isnt mine. I long for the company of a man I cannot own.

Somehow, when this wave of need knocks onto me, I have only on thought on my very mind.

mb

Though I have done my bits of forgetting and leaving him in my past, his shadow haunts like the alien in my sleep. The regret. My pain. My sorrow. My dark soul.

I feel so lifeless. I missed his face. The voice. And the fondness we once built just as our friendship. Again, regret I never told him. Or showed it to him. Regret I never opened up to him. Because I was afraid of him. Losing him. And in the end of my anticipation, I still lost him. Worst, I lost his companionship. A friend.

P/S: The site I referred: www.whattosaymangkok.blogspot.com

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 9:02 AM |

One of the DAMNED days again

I guess I did not have a good start today.

I feel depressed. My fate has eaten me up again. The truth is, I made these choices. Hence, I am to be blamed.

I have taken many deep breaths since I started my day. Sometimes, I wished days like this just disappeared. Or at least I could. Just be invisible for a bit. A day or so. At least till I am comfortable to come out and play.

The need to just run or fly or dance. That is what I feel like doing.

I'm gonna run off for a fag. My one best friend. As I have said many times. Who will and can never betray my feelings. It will kill me damn rite, one day, some day. But I think my depression will get me first.

What e wednesday. Thank God tomorrow's the last working day for this week.

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 1:50 AM |

Back To The Books again

Pengajian Am Kertas 900/2
Kenegaraan Malaysia Kertas 900/1

and a bunch of others, some from the world wide web itself.

I have been working on my general knowledge lately. It's like a crash course. I saw it coming, but I just thought it would be miles away before I would be summoned to take the exam. An exam that determines my lifetime rice-bowl.

Or not? Who cares? I care. My future is at stake. No it isnt. It's just that, oppoturnity comes knocking only once and it's NOW or NEVER. Trust me, I learnt that fact the hard way. Wasnt pretty but I will remember that for life.

I am learning the things I never bothered to even listen to. Can you imagine at what rate I am going in order just to be accepted.

If this dont fall through for me, let me see, no I will not be working at my current company all my life. I can either:

a) Apply for the exam again. This time, I hope I have better chances
b) Apply for the holiday maker as planned
c) Get the proposal ready for pres and me to get into the BIG picture

These are my current option. Small girl, small world, Big goals. Big dreams.

I have this idea that opportunity are all around us, just waiting to be discovered. But, even a million being discovered, nothing will materialise without the one magic spice that will get the show up and running.

GUTTS

Gutts to tell people about it. To explain. To be criticised beyond your imagination. To be exiled. To fail. Most importantly to get back running after falling.

I believe I have gutts, so does Pres but only when we are together. Like Boney and Clyde. Partners in life as partners in crime.

The time will come. Again I am waiting...

Waiting for my call and I'm up next

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 3:55 AM |

Saw and Jigs

Makes JIG-SAW. Lame as it sound, I watched SAW yesterday, to finish what's left of my very hectic weekend.

Anyways, that was well-spent time. It falls under my favorite movie genre, if you could put it. Yes, psychotic, brutal, loadsa reds and blacks. And most significant of all, the super, brainy, genius-like Killer. If I were given a role to play in a movie, I would play the genius killer, who never gets himself caught, in my case, it'll be a her. Just superbly brilliant.

I loved SAW, because he is different than the other killers I have seen. He chooses his victim randomly, but with a reason. His so-called reason: So that they will appreciate life, or the couple of hours that's left of it.

And he doent kill them, but only to place them in a situation to kill themselves, frantically. And he watches them do their thing. See what a genius he is? I might just go and watch it again, this time at the movies.

Folks, you have nothing to do next weekend? Well, I would say take it to the movies, get first class tickets to SAW. A brilliant enigmatic thriller.

No particular J. bimbo Lo or Johny shallow depp acting in it. To tell you the truth, no one I knew was acting.

It was the PLOT that took me away with it

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 4:38 AM |

Breakfast and Bonding

The most important meal of the day. And I dont intent to miss it. Unless of course, if it is a Sunday, then sleep comes first on the priority list.

Without my breakfast... I get cranky. Actually I get cranky whenever I am hungry. It is scary and annoying, that if I were someone else, I would actually give myself a kick in the ass or a slap on the face. Usually I get scary enough, I dont think anyone dares to even smile at me. That is how bad it is.

I know... I know... I am not an easy person to live with. I only discovered this recently, since I dated pres. I blame it on him. He pampers me too much. For my own sake. But for now, I'm kinda enjoying being the lil baby.

Back to the subject. Breakfast is one of the most essential time of the day. At least for us both, Pres and me. It gives a time, not to talk. But just enjoy the silence moments. Each other's company. Orally unsaid, but presented just by the lil smiles we give each other. I am not a morning person. So I dont speak much in the morning. But you see, by the time strikes 10am, I all vibed up like a bloody grasshopper.

Today's breakfast was special. Pres came up with the idea to have McD's Big Breakfast. And that is one of my favorites, besides Lembaga Getah's english breakfast. My office is just around the corner, so on speacial days, when we feel like it, we'll drop by for Lembaga Getah's.

My breakfast menu doesnt vary much. I have this usual day-to-day list, like a rotor:

1- Makchik's nasi lemak
2- Mamak depan ofis nyer Thosai (with kari ayam, chatenni and dal)
3- Mamak depan ofis nyer 2 Roti Canai (with kari ayam and dal)
4- Lembaga Getah's english breaky
5- McD's Big Breaky
6- Makchik's nasi lemak... again (darn, she's good, wonder what's in it.. hrmm)

Today's issue wont mean much, but I just wondered and realised how speacial it is.

Just breakfast with pres.

Maybe sometime next year.. there will be something more special, like in the movies.. heard of bed and breakfast anyone?

Cheeky

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 6:03 AM |

Seep Through

I was being nice and absolutely bored yesterday.

I had to stay up at my office till 8pm, to wait for the painter to finish his thang. Oh, my office is under some major revamp. Sometimes, it makes me think, whether it's the office that needs the change, or.... is it my boss, having a way to overcome the "MID-LIFE CRISIS"?

Picture this:
Meeting Room - one side of the wall yam purple (if you think it's weird, wait till you hear the rest), one side of the wall black, another red and another white (finally normality).

That is the exact description of my office's meeting room. Yea, you go figure...

So, I was waiting semlm, and pres waited with me, coz I dont wanna be stucked alone with the bangla alone in the office! At nite... tak nakla! Amri (my colleague) stayed along as well.

And I decided to let pres post his bit of doodles on my blog. In case you are wondering what is that "hahahhha" postie is about. That was it. And plus, it's nice to have some of his thoughts here. Whatever the subject he picks to write. It's still... bits of him.

Again... back to the world of boredom

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 3:10 AM |

hahahah

hahahah....at last, I managed to crash at this spot. For a couple of weeks, I've been an ardent fan of this site. Craved to read on it every nite before i go to sleep. Too bad, with the workload that I'm having, I don't really have the luxury to read on it. When my dearest hunney baniny (Nadia) said that I can write in it, straight away I feel like laughing. Don't really know why though.
Anyways, enough with the excitement. For whomever that have been reading this blog, don't you think that she's great. Come on, say something. I see that the hit counter keep growing, but nobody says anything about it. Bloggers, give her a peace of your mind. Say what you want to say, isn't that what blogging is all about.
For all you people who don't know me, I'm Pres...the love of her life. The one that deserve her the most. The one that vow to keep her happy all her life. Her friend, her lover, her baby, her munchie....

Cheers

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 12:05 PM |

Nitemares

I sleep with the lights on these days.

I am seriously haunted by some kinda alien or ghost in the night. I am not gonna elaborate on that, because some of you might think it is just my wacky mind playing its games with my body. But I am telling you, I cant move before I manage to fight it and scream for Nathra, my sister who sleep next to me.

But that isnt the issue for today. The issue for today is more life based.

I am about to sit for an exam that can determine my career and my lifestyle. And I am oh-so hoping and counting on it. It is scary, because if I fail, I know, it will indeed mess with my self-confidence and ego. Or what's left of it, after sherrie and pres whipped my sweet ass in pool yesterday. Buat malu jek! Swear I felt like crushing them balls into dust and ashes.

I dreamt last nite, I failed the essay section. Like I was stupified or stunned. I had nothing to write about. And just before I got what I would call my inspiration, the facilitators called for times-up!

I felt like crying, I felt like tearing the exam papers up. I felt like swearing. Then, I woke up. It was just a dream. Thank God for this time. It was 5.40am, I had a precise 35mins before my alarm would go off, so I head back to la-la land. This time ....

BLANK.

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 8:06 AM |

Back Frm Malacca Refinery

Well, today I had a day trip to malacca. then port dickson.

I visited some of the refineries there to do my sales of chemical.

As I was driving by the beach in pd, I noticed this odd fact that the beach experiencing frightening level of low tide. That was just scary. I used to find beaches "THE VACATION SPOT". I have thang for them. And now, it is just saddening and frigthening all together. All this must be caused by the tsunami. The so-called 'blue lagoon" has nothing to offer but almost muddy bank-like.

I guess I just have to go else where for holidays in the future.

SUBANG again

Tonite, I will be visiting my ardent fan, who is back from the US, sherrie dear. I miss that devil. Also, coz of her, I have been doing my reading. Oh and I have proudly given up Frankenstein, with the reason: The English is too back in time, it isnt up to my standards.

Nah... just playing. I just cant darn understand anything said in there. Call me a fool, whatever. At page 60 for the past month, I have decided to put the book down.

Now, I am reading a book recommended to me by sherrie. It is called: Veronika Decides To Die. Anyone trying suicide as an option to get away with life should indeed read this. At my present pages, I think myself as Zekna, she reminds me of me. The haunted past and its works.

The biggest issue being pointed out in this book is insanity. For short, MAD. What is madness really? Read it really... in the end, you might be considering yourself to be mad!

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 9:45 AM |

The weekend again!

Wow!

No matter what comes, the best day of the week is always Friday.

Friday being last working day, unless I get stuck working in Kemaman or something, then it'll be different story, may God forbid.

Otherwise, here I am just enjoying every minute of the day, especially now, when it is 5.15pm and work ends at 6.

I totally have no idea what I am to do today? Probably end up going home. But, you never know, Pres might just come up with this funky idea. He's full of suprises. Maybe we'll walk to KLCC, which is a 15mins walk away for a cuppa Lecka Lecka... nice way to start the weekend.

I have to scout for something red. It's his dinner theme. I most probably throw a red scarf around me just so that I could keep up with the crowd. And look pretty matured and lady-like. Yea whatever.

Sometimes, I do feel like Bridget Jones, the bit where she never fit in. I am not as bad. But I do have her thoughts. Esp. when all of them will be talking Andalas I, and II (names of ships by the way), and Tiger and Captain, all this funky shipping experience. How the rave the wave back in their sailing years.. yada yada. I'll do that exact head nodding with a smile, pretending I comprehend, when in reality I know SHET!

The thing is pres understands, sometimes at the fullstop of a conversation, he'd turn to look at me, and ask me a totally outta nowhere question like: Did sharifah call you just now? It is sooo obvious he feels bad for dragging me around. The fact is, I will go tru all of that just to be with him. I reason: I love this boy, you know.

My weekend will end with SHerrie. SHe'll be back! Hurray!!

Gossips... bring it on baby! Man... this will be a wicky wicky wicked weekend!

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 9:28 AM |

Reveiling the truth... her HANDBAG

My last handbag's strap had snapped. Oh darn!

Me being the girl who never carried even a wallet back in the UK, this is a call for a major shopping crisis.

However, it was simpler than what I thought it would be, Pres did the choosing for me, and thank God for his presence, he knew my taste.

I was never lady-like and never will. I would always want to keep the mysterious girl image, some guys call that Scary. But yea, I'm not dating them, never will.

I dont go for the flimsey ones, or the posh furry looking ones as well. I like the sporty looking bags. Those that if you smack a snatcher with, he would eventually have to visit the nearest clinic for pain killers. No, not that bad, but it does give the idea of what sorta bag I'd go for. And we found one. Black with 2 sporty stripes to go with it. My last bag was better but what the heck? It's pretty much broken.

What do I carry in there... refresh...

No, not a dildo kays... I have my ciggies, 3 lighters (2 of which ran outta gas owdi), my lil pink notebook (in case of any future plans pres and I would make), my wallet (which carries a lotta other nicknacks I'm not gonna mention), my office keys, other scrap papers (almost rotting there), a pen, photos (comes in good when I'm bored), paper clip, 3 bags of unopened smarties (love 'em chocos), paracetemol, mentrual panadol, tissues (unused kays), rotting "kisses" chocolate pres once gave me (eww!), keys to Aljay, and Hacks wrappers.. hey, I've gotta chuck them somewhere... oh and business card holders with the cards, a lipstic as well, contact lenses droppers, and a samsung hp string (dont ask me why) and the indispensible HANDPHONE

Seen the cartoon doraemon lately, to conclude, my bag is somewhat like the kittie's pocket.

I thought it would be interesting to jot down something like this... coz guys, they can never understand why the heck we carry them, so here goes. Some of the things I carry, it will come useful for him as well. And plus I was bored, didnt have a particular topic to write about. And since I just got my new bag, why not?

When it comes to a girls handbag, it's like a sacred property of hers, so....

BUG OFF!

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 6:17 AM |

While I'm waiting for Pres to get home from work today

It was only somewhere in last month that I had one of these MCs and here I am again.

Man, I think I am getting old, and unhealthy. I remember those days when I was in sec high and I hardly went to the doctors.

I think work stress is so unbearable, I can almost hear my body cry in agony. It is retaliating back on me. Hence explains my getting ill every month.

Pres thinks I should take a slower pace. Relax and give my body rest. But think about it folks, I'm 24 this year (Goddamnit!) and I have just only begun to earn a living and taste my very hard earned money. So, i tend to shower myself with a hectic lifestyle. I think I damn rite deserve this pace and fun I am enjoying. I mean like, before I know it, I will be 30, god knows if I will be able to even to a simple twist rite? No! I dont twist, I'm just saying this kay.

But time flies faster than what? A bullet at times. It is like I never saw it coming. Next thing, I get married and then the kids then I'm drinking that Osteoporosis milk for God's sake. I do deserve to do myself the favour of having a wee bit of fun while I am able.

I am not blaming Pres or my dad for being concern. These two men are the only men in my life. And with all do respect, I agree with them. Just that I cant help feeling terrified of the rate of my increasing age. This bit when you hear people say: So many things, so lil time.

Exactly how I feel.. so hear I am enjoying my paid medical leave. I will be there at work tomorrow. All fresh and geared.

Sherrie will be back from the US this Sunday. And man, we'll have so much to talk about. I cant wait to hear the good news from her. And I wish to hang out with Aboo.

My life, to tell you evolve around 3 people. Then, occasionally, I will have visitors to visit, friends who came down from the UK for a short holiday or something. Example, Kak Hezlin just before she got hitched, one fun nite that was. And I am glad she thinks pres is a nice guy. I promised to tell her if I met someone the last time I left UK... old time story. Then there was Eliza and Haidar and Ayie.

But the truth is, my life evolves around these three significant beings:

Sherrie, Pres and Aboo (aboo is a girl by the way)

These three that matters. That brought significant changes in myself. Brings me up whenever the world turn its back on me. And I love them all equally. And would go through hell for them three.

I hope all four of us can just sit by a mamak this weekend, just for a nice 5 to 6 hours chat. I know, it's a wonder. That will be just perfect. A perfect weekend.

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 11:47 AM |

The 'tersirat' behind the 'tersurat'

Read between the lines.

Unfortunately, I am not the award winning poet. And I did not do literature of any sort while I was at sec school.

This is just a reminiscence of the past.

This is an issue of the typical girl translating what the guy really meant. As in, guys says blah blah, but he actually meant la la la. I know, this becomes significant, only when two people or just one are/is involved in the game of love.

It annoys me, why is love a game of who wins and who loses? Another thing, why when two people like each other, it is a race of who confesses first? Is love no longer pure, when both should be winning? I was once, so deluded by this whole love-thingy-idea. Oh, and there was another thing, who loves the other more?

I was once in that game myself, but I made one big mistake instead of confronting my feelings and conveying it to my subject of affection, I used other people to do the translating for me. I realised, that was actually where I went wrong. And, I was so scared, I actually asked people who knew him and me this typical teen girl question: "Does he feel the same?" What a loser I was. And in the end, I lost indeed. Because, he never knew how I felt (probably guessed it, it was obvious from the way I was acting, but again it is better said) and I never knew the answer. Which still haunts me till today.

And plus, the people I asked, I trusted. But they had the power to either make it go really well, or blunder the whole issue, unintentionally. And in the end, today... I have my own-self to blame.

I have come up with this theory I concluded with all this happening to me:
The platonic feelings that two people feel when Mr Cupid decide to strike are so immaculate, only these two are able to feel. And they both breathe it, every morn when they wake. With the crack of smile as dawn breaks, this peace feeling in their soul. The answer is in your gut instinct. And hence, trust it, like you trust your very self. Never, never in any circumstances, get a middle person. Wrong move, checkmate and you are a goner.

The answer is not in the text book, or with your friend. It is there in your very heart.

After that whole incident, I made a pledge to myself, that I wont and cant afford to make the same mistake, hence came Pres in my life. And it doesnt matter who loves the other more. Love aint a game of winnings or losings. It aint about playing your cards right either (as explained by Haidar 2 years back then).

I am glad that my Pres is as pure and probably as daft as I am, and that is why he is sooo straight to the point, it hurts me at times. But it is all he meant, I dont need to hire a bloody translater to understand him.

Love is a win-win situation. And it is easy, just like the religion. It is catered to serve us in achieving harmony living. Safe is the defination of the religion, so is love. And that is what I felt for the past 13 months with Pres.

Boy, it is good to be alive and coloured again!

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 1:37 AM |

Kick ASS, I mean Start!

Awesome..

Like a teenager I walked down BB Road, at 3 hours after we hit '05. All happy and smiling from ear to ear. How luckier can a girl get?

I shook hands and had a mere minute chat with Ah Boi @ Errie Naham, my fav guitarist from NRG. And he aint the bassist, apparently he plays rhythm. Oh yeay, that kinda explains a hell lot doesnt it. Nevermind.

That was just wow, the kick off start with ENERGY (NRG). I dont care, it is my blog after all. And so, I can be as lame as I want to. And plus when I am happy, my Benrik's diary marks "OVER THE MOON" for in my mood chart for today. OH, I was saying, when I am happy, I get silly. Very silly. Maybe that's why I get these old people, my mom for example telling me: Jgn Ghairah sangat. Yea, sounds different. But trust me, it isnt what u think it is.

It is a Monday. First Monday of the year. I feel kinda jiggy. My Saturday.. after the new year's celebration and coming home at 4am. I woke up at 4pm. Nice twelve hours sleep. Wonders it brings to me, WOW is said not for nothing. And I met Eliza, who is down from Ireland. Had a nice prim proper dinner at Darby Park. Thanks Eliza, I think that was just refreshing. And the view is splendid. Somehow, it gave me more NRG to work hard and be someone significant. I want a lifestyle like that. Kinda posh, but cozzy. I think, Pres and I would need times like that. Maybe in the future when the bondfire changed into somewhat of a dying candle flame. Well, that will indeed come useful.

The reunion was nice. And Shahril is a pretty nice guy. Smiles... I think Aboo thinks so too. That was just a nice lil decent party of five, I'd say. And I liked that. Sure wish to have that every now and then. I prefer small parties rather than the big ones, coz it gives more intimate contact with each other. WHich is the sole purpose of the get together in the first place. Innit?

Sunday... lemme see, that was just a nice and quiet stay in day for Pres and me. Had b-runch. By the time I got off my bed it was 2pm. We manage to do some car-kit shopping. Came home, finished our frankenstein movie. Got on with waxing and wax-off Aljay. He too deserved a new year's treat. Done really well, my boy. Then, we hit the pasar malam, manage to get Meet The Fockers. Turned out to be a good laugh. Pres and I was contented by the end of the evening when I dropped him off.

I just think, my life is pretty simple.

And I am enjoying it. It is good life I am having, it scares me a wee bit. But I guess, just enjoy the moment. Geez, I saying it as if I'd die tomorrow or something.

Another thing, Sherrie called me. Feel good listening to her. I miss her alreaddy. Cant wait for her to get her ass back here. Man, so many things to catch up on with her. The mb thing... and Ah Boi, and how I am pretty good at pool now, I wanna kick her cute ass up side down. Ahaks! Not like I havent beaten her.

Well, Pretty '05, this is just the beginning...

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 2:28 AM |

1st Page of the book again

It is 2005 when the needles of the clock strike 12 tonite.

Wow... how fast time passes. Let's review...

2004

One of my best years for me. A beautiful relationship dawned into something of a lifetime commitment, not that I am complaining. I am in fact the jolliest girl around. Take a breath of fresh air, every morn, feeling like a million dollars every day when I wake up. The truth is: I am OH-SO-HAPPY to be alive.

I think the diary I bought is kickin in. Damnit, those smart ass Benriks. No wonder shrinks prescribe sweets as placebos. It really works! Amuse yourself.

And I quit my dumbass job at the factory processing oil and fats. Glad I am working for and under, En Ameer, my nice boss. I am in fact doing very well here. I love my life. And the fact that he allowed us all to go home at 5. May God bless his soul and cheers to YAZTECH!

And, Aljay's good too. He is one from the time I purchased him. Been to loadsa places. Like I have explained. My relationship with mom and dad is more matured now. All of us has come to a mutual understanding and we do respect each other's privacy and life. They have now starting to treat me like an adult and not their baby. That's good.

Nathra, my kid sister is more mature and she is taking over of her life. I have a strong feeling she's gonna be just fine... I see great potential for herself.

I am letting go of mb and I am learning to love pres as he deserves to be. I am also making him a reason of my existance. Man, I thank mb for replying. This means a hell lot of what I thought it would be.

I went holidaying with my loved one. Like I have always wanted to do. Travel with my loved ones, to discover places together as we are discovering more of each other everyday. Phuket was good. But it is sad, what's left of that beautiful place. Somehow, the world didnt matter. Like I was living in fantasy for that 3 days we were in Phuket. Again, thanks baby.

Oh, how can I forget! I created this blog, this very year! Splendid way of letting go of all bottled up feelings. And pour out gibberish thoughts you can NEVER do, by just saying it. I learnt that speaking out your mind, as in really expressing using verbal expressions and facial as well, is a Goddamn SIN! And you will be exiled for that. However here, the more twisted you get. "thing!" goes up the site counter on the left side of this page. Amazing innit?

Watched NRG play. Totally in love with them.

Learnt to play POOL. Yea man! I have always felt lefted out watching sherrie do her thing with the sticks and balls into the holes. And, both my sisters could play. I envied them. I thought it was either not in my genes to hold the stick properly or... I am good with sticks with balls attached to them. Then, baby taught me otherwise.. he taught me the stands, the way to place my fingers and what not. And amazingly, I am excellent at it. Thanks hunz..

Also.. there is one thing.. let's not get there.

The thing is, I am just glad to be alive. Get one thing rite.. everyone is mourning for the deaths caused by the tsunami. I am gonna go out there and celebrate tonite, not coz I am an inconsiderate, self-centred bitch, but coz I am celebrating life itself. A good year is coming to an end. And in the hope that the birth of a new year will bring more joy and achivements to myself, baby and all that I care for. Also, hope dad will get the thing is anticipating for.

I decided. Sometimes, things planned are not the ones we'd get, yet the things we get are usually not what we want but actually what we need. God is amazing, the way he shows us the invisible existance of himself.

So, let's thank God for the blessings. Learn from the curse, and get on with life.

As a man.

As a survivor.

2005, bring it on!

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 8:06 AM |

Doomsday Conspiracy

The topic speaks for itself.

I read on the news today, there was a freak snowfall in Dubai. It was a lifetime experience. That just drive me nuts.

Even before the tsunami the other day, there were loads of fishes being easily caught by the fishermen. Normal daily income of 700 bucks became 7000 the day before the tidal attack.

It is a sign. Snowfall, then god knows what? Man... is the world coming to end end now? Is it armageddon already.

Freaks the hell out of me, on this very new year's eve. All the celebrations are being cancelled. That is alright.

Again, I would say....

So, God help us.

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 1:50 AM |