To the Godfather
Okay, maybe what I said about my mentor was harsh.
His attitude suprises me these days. He doesnt shout as much, not at me at the least. And he has distibuted work evenly at this point. He has done everything I put on this blog a couple of weeks ago, I swear if I have this feeling he reads my mystery blog here. And that is a freak out!
But people did tell me once I over-analyse things. Maybe I should just think good about him and accept the fact that he after all, in that macho, hard-core, heartless disguise of his, has a kind heart.
Anyways, I appreciate the fact that he does not chase me but trust me with work now.
Which is what I need to motivate myself to go on. Thank you.
merah, semerah darah
You know you are getting old.You mature. Eventhough the wrinkles on your face dont really show when you smile. You know it. Time is getting you.My sister along with my cousin planned a road trip. She was kind enough to invite me. On a normal basis, I would simply be exicted enough to say yes. But this time. Not this time.I even discouraged her saying its bad weather and she plans to go up to Camerons and well, with all that rain. Plus recently this bus crashed killing 3 people on the way down from Genting, it's just a freak-out for me.Nevertheless, I was never so conscious about anything, really. Not even the way I look. Okay maybe that's a lie. But still.What is wrong with me? I manage to talk her out of it.But later the question hit me. I'm getting old and boring, kan? Sadly, the answer to that is yes.Cinta. I think it would be something Malaysian that is worth watching after Sepet and Gubra. The producer is still an enigma. But I have the idea that he/she is a copycat of Yasmin Ahmad. But it still interest me to watch it. And so I will over the weekend.Blogging. Such restrictions has been put on bloggers. I come to think it started because of some phony idiot decided to create a riot by putting up something racial. See, now the whole wide web has to suffer from it. That pisses me off. I just wanna vent. It is my blog, it's not like I insult anyone here, so piss off!The Sun. Is the only paper I read these days and restriction on blogging really seem like e personal attack. Back on The Sun. It's free and not-so-thick like The Star plus it's always or rather usually delievered in time so I can get a glimpse of what's goin on before I start working. Because at this rate I'm going, I swear I feel like a katak di bawah tempurung.Report. Is what I did all week. And it's still not done with. Goddamnit. My eyes are swollen from thinking and writting a bunch of words just so that the clients from Petronas will comprehend because if there's an idiot out there, I look at them as worst of the terrible. Just this project team. Why cant they put their feet on the ground and bloody accept what they have agreed on earlier? Sod-off! Urghh!And so, that's it for today.Complains of an orang tengah marah and mata bengkak tak ingat dunia tapi still surviving and trying hard to satisfy you idiots yang still tak paham paham pasal basis. Lepas ni kalau tak paham jugak, ntahlah, aku give up!
malaysian rejects - dirty lil secret
Press has got himself e new Acer today. I'm not sure what he's gonna call it. But I am happy with Schneider. He's a gift or rather an investment Press threw out for me for my career development. He loaned it to me at first but now that he's got his own, Schneider if officially mine. Or at least I assume it, I do realise that assumptions are the mother to all fuck ups, really. But I cant help it. I am an engineer. That is all its based on. The basis are assumptions to begin with, that slowly, with time and itteration evolve to results.Yes, tell me about it, it's a bunch of junk.I cant help it. It's a Saturday and I did work for 5 bloody hours which I will charge to my OT. Thank God for the RM 12.70 an hour. That's my hourly rate. Damn I sound like e bloody prostitute. But hell, I cant help it.I'll let you in e dirty lil secret today. You know I am so serious at work. Meaning, almost all the time, except the time when Press comes to pick me up, and that is just a mere hour e day before I close my eyes to sleep. Point is, I am tired of being miss prim and serious because it scares a whole lot of people apart from myself, so I'm gonna just be miss 'whatever' here.I watched porn today. And damn I got hooked up. It must be work stress.Yea, like whatever.It's e Saturday, and here I am at Low Yat plaza. Told you, we just got ourself e second notebook. Yea, we are like the super-savy couple. If you saw us, you'd think we're super-savy. But I think we are real geeky. And it even rhymes.I'm gonna cut myself lose now, because I think I'm freaking you lot as well.Whatever guys, it's a Saturday, I either go home and:1- Watch more porn, then hit the toilet.2- or... Watch Supernatural, then hit the toilet thinking about Dean from it.
The butterfly effect
When we were students - the thought for the moment or day would be:- staying in tonight?- place? what are gonna where?- seeing someone?- ohmagad, he asked you out? (screeeeeaaaaam!!)- what's that cute guys name again?and for the special friday tribute, it'll be - weekend plans?Now when we are all adults working, or rather being in a situation where you mingle with these adults (and yes, I regard myself as e kid, more like a teen caught in the body of e 25-year old engineer - damnit!), your hear people around you talking a different language altogether.And you are naturally forced to take part. It's like Heat Transfer's natural convection process.Investment.That's their thing. How to grow money on trees. Where to dump that 100K savings and its calculated risk doin it. Fast cash. ASB loans. Swissbanking return. UbuyUsell catalogs. To think about it, it is all money here, money there. And with the lil I have to scavenge off, after paying my car installment, credit card debts, and soon the insurance, what's left is what's left of me. Myself to take care of, my food and my clothes. Thank God I still live with my parents.It's all about the dung-didi-dung dung. Keching! It's all about the money innit? Or is it really? Money the factor to life?What happened to love and passion and family? And time?I am actually sickened by the idea of working already, to tell you the truth. It's disgusting. I know it can be such an ego boost, especially if you are doing well, but seriously, is this all we seek for till the day we walk tru the valley of death?To make things worst, I have been converted by natural convection to become one of them. The adults. I will commit myself to e property just for investment sake. And this I have decided, will commence at the beginning of 2007. This will by God's willing take place after the increment.Amin.And yes, it took me 3 years of working experience to get here.
Being an annoying bitch is what I do outside of work
The name is Bond. James Bond.Now normally that's how it begins. But this time it ended this way. Not so much a 007 fan, but it's just something you have to do. Watch I meant.For those who dont want to. Dont. For those who went. Well, it's something you have to do, like I said earlier.The only thing I liked about it besides him coming off the water with minimal clothes on, was the torturing. Call me a sadist, watever, but I think torturing is art really. Going tru it is not. But something fictional like this, I can handle.Here I am again on a non-Friday. Most probably will again tomorrow, but heck, it satisfies me to write all this gibberish that comes tru my mind. For once, pour out, an emotional blowdown valve, if you have done some safety control. I come to realise this, what I do at work is almost geeky, and the worst thing about it is that I enjoy it. Being a geek. Being a smart ass, being annoyingly intimidating.But the whole truth about it, let me tell this. You have lack of friends. And people always have this idea, a smart-ass is often related to the word "kiasu".Now they have got it wrong. You come to me for advice, I will help. The thing is I dont have time. Bloody hell, to explain and teach you the whole process to it. I have a week's worth of work I have to submit in on Monday, now you tell me, do I have time to teach you?I am not - not willing to, I just cant. And so I give you a copy of the exercise I've done in my past and expect you comprehend it. Accompanied by the reference that will enhance your knowledge, is that not enough? Apparently not for this superior who always has something sarcastic to say, like "you are not in my project, so I aint teaching you". Now that's kiasu. Like "boss awak belum balik tau" when I am about to leave the office. Like heck, I leave because I'm done for the day, not because my boss is not around so I decide to fong-fei-kaei.Too bad I'm my mentor's jewel of the gems. Too bad he teaches me all he can. And I can tell you why he choses me above all. Because I get things done. Because I add the extra mile to the effort put in. Because I take pride in what I do. So, now you tell me, is it not fair, you jerk?Now why dont you take pride and train this apparentice of yours, instead of pushing her to an intermidiate like me, besides I dont carry the Ir. title like you do.
Bomb - a four letter word now
"you're a bomb". Try saying that to some guy on the street, bet you'll get the same response, unless of course you said it in a manner that will not turn anyone on. Or you are a guy yourself and in for a punch-out.Say that after sex and you might just be able to get lucky again.Now, take a flight to that dream destination and say just the word "bomb". If you are lucky, you might be slapped with a Sing. Dollar 10000 fine. An Aussie fella took a flight to Indonesia, and he was slapped with such because he asked "now, where do I keep my bomb?" to e flight attendant. Out of joke guys...you know that is my highlight out of the whole Sun paper I read today, besides the Mongolian case.Bombed. Shot prior to that.
See how it relates? When I came to comprehend what was going on, because the title "Ditembak, diletup" never could relate (in my mind) to the fact that, that was the manner one could get themselves killed. Shot. Stabbed. Choked to death while having sex. Yes, after norita's case. But Shot and Bombed, into tiny lil pieces so that your brain segments just flies and your DNA undetected if stumbled upon after a year (perhaps). That's outta the world, outrageously "mind blowing". And by that I meant it literally.
Seriously, how could anyone walking on this planet have the heart to carry out such act on another being, be it a lil cat to start with, apatah lagi another person. Giler ke apa? Orang Batak (no offence, batak people) pun tak segiler tuh.
By the way, my mentor sent me pictures of her (the mongolian deceased) while she was doin her thang as a model. The message below that said "she's hot". Okay, he's weird. So damn weird, because he's always shouting at me, sending me vibes like I'm just the biggest idiot when it comes to design (read previous posts), and now he's sending me mails like that?!!!
Like "wert??!!"
Now this act is the same as saying the four letter word whilst boarding Flight-22.
There's a place and time for everything, and this is just aint it boy.
box of chocolate
I realise that these days it is not really to find someone, or rather a friend you can hang out with. I'm not saying that I dont have friends, just that I'm always busy when they are not and vice versa. And it's painful, considering the fact that my life revolves around my friends really. I dont have many friends, but the ones I have a truly the best of gems.I recently met this couple, more like people I know, from my boyfriend. I never really considered these two friends because we never really hanged out together, having a laugh or anything like that sort.And then, since my precious boyfriend insisted, I accompanied him to meet his friends. These two meaning the "American Couple" to some of you knows who I meant.And to my utter suprise, I felt good afterwards. It was a great pleasure. I never had suce fun company in the longest time. I'm thinking that we should get together again, maybe the next weekend or something.It is amazing to find that there are still similarities in our differences.
So.. why do I blog again?
When I'm feeling down, like how i have been feeling really for the past week now, and probably no one to really talk to besides Pres (my fiance) is the world wide web.
So - me feeling down has really got to do with career plus me being such an emotional twat. Seriously, sometimes I wished I had a stick in between my legs so I wont get constant emo breakdown, I mean like, how men do it? Just walk around having no feelings or sorrow, everything is cool. Or at least they have the best way not show how they feel.
My sister recently got a job that pays 500 bucks more than me, who works like a dog, even on the weekend and then get shouted at by my boss because I made mistakes. And why I made those mistakes, bcause tell me people, are you able to work straight after working the normal 8 hours one should put in at work, on a normal day, and then having to work the extra 4 more. and still this doesnt satisfy him??
I work fucking 12 hours on normal basis, and by that i mean like on days I have to go do my laundry. On days I dont have anything important to do, I work like 14 hours a day... it's crazy.
Ok, tell me it sounds like the movie or book "The Devil Wears Prada", and then try living it, day by day. The thing is I love what I do, but man... when I put my heart and soul in it, and it's just aint enough, it's really frustrating. It's like I'm married to my job and the man is not satisfied eventhough I give him 4 times a night?! At least in marriages they these things called a "divorce" for the unresolved.
But the things is, I know if I go anywhere else, I wont be doing the things I'm doing now, learning the stuff I am, having the best mentor around. ANyway, it is increment time around the corner, the self-appraisal is out, but I swear I havent the time to even look and go tru it.
I'll just wait till then, and then maybe... just maybe... it will be worth all the pain. Anyhow, I feel better. I dont hate my job, or the boss, just that I want probably a pet on my shoulder, saying "well done, girl..."
So that's why I still keep my blog. Damn I feel good, back to work again.
