Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The second cut still feels like the first

I have been thinking. And I thought through. Thoroughly this time.

For all the time I have been away from blogging. I have been thinking, and rectifying problems I faced.

So, a lil flashback to what brings me here today...

It all started when he had expectations. At first I felt honoured by it. Then, he wanted to make me a leader. He layed out the plans he had for me for the next 5 years. But 5 years is a too long of a time, especially in a business like this. He presented me with reward. As much as the Ringgits could offer. I was bought by it. Then, the expectations grew bigger. Staying up to work till almost 10pm wasnt enough. After all I was rewarded. Hence, I cannot and dare not complain. That's when I started talking to the others. The experienced, just like his kind. They presented me with enlightment of how things should be. And how this is "humanly impossible".

That's when I began my actions. I started applying for the others. Asking for more than what he can offer. Money and time. It was a priceless package. Then I went to the interview. And I was offered higher than what I wanted. A thousand more. And all the time I need to myself and my family. An irresistable package.

This happened yesterday. I was suprised and amazed at my own talent and skills. Dad was so proud that I have doubled up on my paycheck within months, he replied "I want to study chemical engineering".

And that brings me here. To where I stand now. To leave him. Professionally. He hasnt a clue. He's stopped jumping at me for the others mistakes. He has stopped giving more work to me. He hasnt a clue how devastating this outcome has turned into, but he knows something is not right with me. He knows that I am somewhat distant now. I dont talk as much. For the past two weeks. I have gone quiet on him, even since I have been thinking.

I am gonna have to break it to him sooner or later. But those eyes. The judging and full of expectation look of his. And how he talks with a smile this days. And after all, he was my mentor. He thought me how to walk my walk and talk my talk. He made a process engineer out of me. He made me. But I will say it, latest by Wednesday next week :

"En. Zam, I resign..."

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 1:30 PM |

Friday, March 09, 2007

The datelines and milestones... again

Yes, I am being hit by them again. Damn, the datelines.

On the 12th, ie. this coming Monday, I have a set of P&IDs (process & intrumentation diagrams) and HMBs (Heat & Material Balance) to submit. I apologise for the lack of my postings for the past week. The thing is, I do go online, I just havent got much to say. Neither do I today, but for the hack of it, if it isnt you, then who do I complain to?

The boss has warned us to come in on Saturday and Sunday as well, he used the word "picnic" to be precised. If only that word sounded fun, like it used to be maybe 20 years ago. Having said that, it is obvious that with more money they shower you with, and more demanded you are in the market, the more workload you will be burdened with.

Sometimes you wonder, when will all this end? When will I be able to actually retire and rest and travel. Watch the kids grow in front of you. Spend more quality time with the family.

Someone (one of them sibuk-sibuk makcik to be exact) actually asked me this yesterday "macam maner nak jadik mak orang?" (how are you gonna be a mom?). I replied with a smile. And thank God my phone rang at that moment. Because I might have just gave her a piece of my mind, which will probably make her run off to the surau to cry.

It makes you think, which is why I probably hang out with the guys rather than the makciks and kakaks. Because all they talk about is "biler nak kawin?" (when are you getting married)and then next will be "biler nak ader anak nih?" (when are you gonna have babies). There are nothing more they like than to run someone's life, rather than their own, for all you know, their house is a pigsty.

And yes, I am angry. Very. The datelines has got me again, and the pressure and the lack of sleep. But still, I need the overtime. So I am gonna be a slave. And slog. So, there you go, the story of my life for the past week.

Have a good weekend and enjoy them with me, I'm certainly missing mine.

posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 1:22 PM |