Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Seriously? Wow.

I went away for a short 3 days holiday at Bukit Tinggi, Indonesia. I meant to post the pictures, but I havent found the time to do so. By the way, I have a kampung now. I used to not have one, both my grandma's house is almost around the corner. So my Hari Raya visiting took a day or two at most. So that makes my "balik kampung" annual event.

But now, since Pres mom was born in Indonesia, making him half minang. Going back to his place is just wow. Someday, I would like to work in the padi fields like his ancestors did. And they still have them bidans over there too.

Really, I have a kampung to go home to now. Yippee!

Now, the serious stuff. We bought a home. 15 minutes away from where I work, smack in KL. We are having our fingers crossed for the loan to go through and all at the moment. In the meantime, we bought the first thing for our home. We bought a comforter set. Nothing fancy, but somewhere to start of with.

Since Saturday, my life has made a 90 degrees turning point. It's no longer, I am buying "MY bla bla" but it's more like how to come to a comprimise to choose the color to "OUR bla bla".

Gasp! It finally hit me, it's really gonna be "us" for real from now on huh?

To me (who is almost a commitment freak), it's serious shet. Exciting, very indeed.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Anatomy and me

Seriously, I have a lot to say. But I havent got the slightest idea on where to start.

And sometimes, it is just inappropriate to spell it all out here. I worry. I am a worried pansy ass. Sometimes, the things I worry about are not even my problem to begin with. But it is with the people I care the most.

The things that has been bugging me lately - Yes, I have cold feet. And it is not just cold feet, it's probably cold body and everything that there is there to be warmed up. To the point that if you put a freaking thermometer up my ass, it will give you a negative reading. Not literally, but you get the point.

Yesterday, there was this news in my favourite free tabloid "The Sun" on how this guy strangled both of his kids to death after having a row with his wife on Valentine's evening. And then taking his own by consuming chlorine. Today they continued by saying he is jobless from his failed pHd thesis, hence have emotional problems. But that is not good enough of reasons to kill your kids and yourself, simultaneously killing the spirits of your wife for the rest of her life. That is just unacceptable, acting all psychotic like that. Unjustified.

I am not saying that my baby would do such a thing, may God forbid, but yes. And the divorce rate anywhere in the world today is so high, making a decade seem like a very very long time. And the poor children that suffers from it, may God forbid.

And so yes, I am troubled. Warm is everything but me. Making Hell seems like a nice beachy vacation destination.

Monday, February 12, 2007

No formatting involved - Free thoughts

I dont have an intro for this one.

I attended my first gym training last weekend. I wouldnt say I am a healt freak now, but I am serious and pretty excited about it. While I was walking (yes walking really fast, for a person who almost never exercise, fast walking is good progress, mind you), I remembered this scene from Conspiracy Theory. The trick to it is "dont focus on the machine". Keep going. Keep your chin up. And before you know it, the 20 minutes is over. I'm working on my cardio.

For most of them, it's about losing weight. It's about looking good. For me, it's about staying healthy and answering "yes" to that doctors question "do you exercise?".

That walking fast and skiing act for 20 minutes each, is a lot like surviving life. My friend turned up to work with a tee saying "Life is not a job". As much as I would love to agree to that, but deep inside, I know that mine, this life of mine contradicts to it.

At work, you strive. You learn how to deal with yourself and others. It is really about how you fit in, to obide your leader and tell him in the nicest and most subtle manner that he's gone wrong when you disagree. You then create a way you have with your subordinates how you want them to do so that they will obide you with not fear but respect, even if they are twice your age. You strive, and you try carefully without tripping. Focus on the passion you have for this job even if you havent slept the normal 8 hours last nite.

In love that you have commited, you understand your man. Acknowledge that he leads, give him the pace he wants to go, but make sure you are holding the reign with him. If you come across a bump, make sure to hold on to and not fall out.

No compromise when it comes to your family. As a child you try to satisfy your parents. You try to do every possible thing there is to keep them happy. You keep running even if your feet hurts, you try to go out of the way just to make them proud because they are the sole reason of your existance. And it matters.

The only times you have with yourself is the eight hours sleep. And sometimes, that is limited. So you tell me, isnt life a job?

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Now comes the orgasmic reward

After waiting like forever, as if waiting for a long lost love to be found again, I received the answers and solution to my current life. For this year at the very least.

I received "The Letter" yesterday at about 6 in the evening. "The Letter" has been the talk of my company for the past month. It states the increment. One's performance evaluation results.

As if waiting for the SPM results, we queued outside the meeting room to be called in. As soon as I opened my piece of reward, well Mr Zam forced us to do it in front of him, one by one as he called us into his room. And there it was. My 60% increment.

Giler. He said it is the highest. With that he reasoned out to me of my fat figure there. Whatever he said or I said, it was all like shadowy, I was just so overwhelmed by this that I almost cried.

As soon as I called dad to tell him, he congratulated me, then I just cried like a baby. This happened at the stairway, so no one was around.

Man, tell me this is real.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Intense, very intense

This happened on Monday.

I woke up thinking it will be just another day. Yes, I have been feeling really at the pits lately. I am overworked and almost underpaid. But what can a junior engineer say? It's the learning phase. The overtime used to be enough, but now that it's 2007 and I have things, things that I have to do and overcome, it aint enough. After all, we are human, and enough is never good enough for anyone.

It aint about being compared to my other sibling who has the same profession as I do. But like I said, we are all human. She does not work on the weekends, she comes home rite after the official 5.30pm as long as she does her 8 hours. She gets 50% off the gym charges, she gets to sponsor my parents for medical or dental and even optical expenses. And the biggest tsunami to me, she earns more than me. Like a whole lot more.

That makes me feel puny. Like a tiny dot I dont want to be. Nobody has said it to my face, not my parents, no one. But the joy they get when my sister recently sponsored my mom's dental expenses, that was a hit to me.

Oh, and my boss, Mr Zam (names have been changed) knows about this, because he wanted to hire her once, but my sister and I both agreed that we shouldnt mess with each other's playground.

But out of the blue on Monday, he decided to ask me about her. And I guess I just had it when it happened, it's like rubbing salt on my already wounded ego. And I admitted that I am tired and I am thinking. Thinking like a ticking clock about to break and give in to this retaliating anatomy of mine.

But I was bought. He showed me a figure that was never imagined. He said I might get an increment of 60%, now who does that?

Somehow, that made me sweat really. Someone needs me. I am needed. I am appreciated. Not just a someone, but an organization to begin with. They need me. This I thought, is an achievement. He wrote me a figure so big, it was satisfying. Now, let's just wait for that letter so I can put it in my room and it will be my motivation to wake up and go to work.

Damn, it feels real good to be a process engineer, I guess I must be a good one huh, with that fat increment.

Deep inside, my lil heart wished, if only mom and dad will be proud of me.