Saturday, February 26, 2005

Thirty years and still goin

Yesterday I had an extremely great evening. I was amazed by this couple I have met. To be exact, they were pres' suppliers for manpower.

And so we had dinner at a japanese restaurant in Corus Hotel.

I was enlightened and my believes in love fetched a higher level. I now have faith in love.

This couple was about 55 years of age. Had a grandchild, yet still in love, maybe more than just a regular couple.

At first, I didnt know they were married, but I knew these two had something goin on, they way they were acting. Then, it hit me, when she called him "daddie". And they share the same surnames, so yeah. I know, I am a wee bit slow in this sorta thing. That is because I hear scandals every now and then, you see.

They were phillinos. And that didnt matter. All that matters that they were such nice people and just meant to be.

They are business partners, it's their manpower company. They travel the world together. The share the same ricebowl. The share their lives. They see so much of each other, and yet, not bored of each other. They are still in love despite the fact that they have been at least married for thirty years.

I was astonished really.

I went home with a feeling, someday we'll be like that, pres and I.

After the beautiful evening, I went home with faith in love.

Friday, February 25, 2005

He sang to me...

This is the most beautiful song I have ever heard so far, a love song I mean. I just love it and would like to share it with all of you, so here goes...

Everything by Lifehouse

find me here
speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you

you are the light
that is leading me
to the place
where i find peace again

you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life to my soul
you are my purpose
you are everything

and how can i
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

you calm the storms
and you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away

would you take me in
would you take me deeper now

'cause you're all i want
you are all i need
you are everything
everything

Some said this song puts them to sleep. I would say, this song is just simply beautiful. Thanx baby. As I have said earlier, how can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you?

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Satiated

The remedy:

Just enough work pile to cope with.
An hour of bimboninas bitching on each other's asses (America's Next Top Model)
Beautiful Lifehouse's BREATHING on the background
A nice testimonial in the morning from a friend
Poohpooh boi watching me work
Boss out on his field trip
Lunch break with presboi
Good nite sleep last nite with Lamberger's lavender scent in the air
A sweet thought of how I am somehow significant to people I call friends
Fact that I made someone feel good about themselves
Five minutes with my darling kitties last nite


Makes Nadia a jolly good fun today. See, it's easy. These are the simple requirements I need to be in a good mood. Is that too much to ask?

I am feeling happy today. Very. Happy. Indeed. Ask mr. poohpooh.

Life is good.. and fair to me today.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

When ego and lameness collide

I would like to point out that weekdays are the most lamest days of all. Except for Friday. And that would make four days of the week being lame days.

And the heat strike isnt helping. Lame, what else is lame?

People talking about nothing at all. I find my jokes spiteful. Some people cant not comprehend it. My nature. My gibberish. Am I calling myself lame? It dont matter.

Maybe I am too arrogant to admit that most people out there which are labelled normal are the ones everyone favours. I am too arrogant to become one of them.

I dont really care. I am spiteful. Fine. I'm funny. Too bad you cant comprehend my jokes. I am stupid at times, that is because I choose to fit in with the whole 99.7% of the population out there.

But I do except the consequences to my egoistic decisions that I might be exiled by the 99.7% of people I mentioned.

That is alright. Because, I know, that whatever comes, for good or for worst... I have my family, my cats, presboy, sherrie, aboo, haidar, sharon, darren and maybe one or two other friends I can count on.

I once read an idiom I have decided to hold on to, that:

I would rather die knowing I have known 5 friends, true ones who would be there regardless of my conditions as I would for them, know me and my nature deeper than the depth of the blue sea than having 100 people who I knew only on the surface and I wonder, if I was a nobody, these people would be the ones who'd make me feel I am truly a NOBODY.


Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Jolly Good Monday

The weekend did me well.

I am all refreshed. Today I will be attending an interview with the Mighty SESB for a a real process engineer job. Not sales, not production, not rubish runner. The real dream DESIGN job all chemical engineer out there dreamt about.

My warmest gratitude goes to the Mighty superman, for helping me in obtaining powerful contacts.

Sometimes, it is luck, who you know who knows someone that draws the patterns of your career. I believe so much in it. And of course, it is wisdom as well. And how I would mould in once I have been absorbed into the organization.

I pray for the miraculous blessings of success this time.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Not Up For It

It is yet another Friday. But I'm not feeling like it.

It's probably because I am depressed over my work and I am bleeding.

My advice for the people close to me, just stay away or be nice, coz I will... BITE!

I hate this feeling. About being a girl and that monthly event. And all that shet about how girls are weak and emo. Fark that! Like the guys dont ever cry. Screw them who dont admit it.

It is obvious I am having that monthly girly girly thing. Damn it annoys me too. I am not angry, just annoyed, and the funny thing is, not at anything at all. Maybe just annoyed at everything.

I am tired and the heat aint helping. It is pretty unfair.

My eyes feel like drooping. Nothing gets me into the Friday mood.

I just hope the weekend would bring some joy. But chances are, I probably sustain this mood unless something really good will happen.

You know what I feel like doing? Just take a nice warm shower and go to bed feeling all fresh and nice.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Poppy's Secret Garden

POPPY GARDEN

Was where we had our Valentine's.

I had no regret whatsoever having to pay RM 170 for it. It was a five course meal, complete with 2 glasses of wine which we ex-changed with, for a mocktale.

I was impressed. I even had roses from Poppy's. I have pictures taken which I will upload sometime soon.

I was smittened really. Pres looked happy as well. Just one word to describe our evening the other day

BEAUTIFUL

Indeed it was. Thanks baby for the best Val's day I have ever had all my life, seriously.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HIDDEN EDEN

I am currently living on stilts of my broken dreams.

I have had enough of working with no destination. I blame it on myself for not performing well in the examinations while I was studying.

To undo my mistakes, I am willing to give it another shot. This time, go with a stable mind and heart. I will be married by the time I leave and he'd come with me.

I am so into this hope of doing my masters, I even found us a nice studio apartment with a week rent of 75 pounds. My next destination in the UK is Manchester, not because of the soccer team but because UMIST is one of the best and offers the course I am interested in.

Besides, Manchester is a pretty kewl city, with over 50 clubs and it is rated the second coolest city in the UK after London. I wont begin to think about living London, because I most probably scavenge on bread crumbs by the end of the day.

It is my redemption just like John Constantine try to do with his soul which is damned to be in hell. Just that I am probably in hell already.

I am still walking on the stilts, not looking down.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Betrayal and its course

I have just read yasmin ahmad's blog on her up coming movie, Gubra.

It's about betrayal. And she says, betrayal is more than often being commited by the ones we love the most rather than ones we hate the most.

I did some reminiscing work, and I cant help but to agree, it is indeed very true. I'm talking through experience here. However, I have an explaination for this.

For those we love, we feel for the most. And we get extra sensitive with people we love the most. And we have our radars especially focused on the ones we love as well. Just a lil bump and we'd feel extreme pain.

At least that is how I feel. Is love a curse rather than a bliss? For this question, I have not an answer.

The issue on love and hate is complicated, almost as complicated as WaBBa Fe$h is.

I was once asked in an interview by a pretty smart guy: Why is it that, a person can turn to hate a friend who's loyal for 10 years, and for once he makes a small mistake, remembering him only by it? The mistake. The betrayal. What about the 10 years of built up friendship?

Also, why can someone look at a blank piece of A4 paper, and only focus on the black dot on it?

Why cant we just forget mistakes of each other, and move on. Appreciate someone's presence in our life, maybe once, yet made a significant existance to our lives.

Will the world someday come to a day when everyone just hate each others gutts?

I just pray, when that day comes, I wont be around to experience such event.

Then again, I would probably die of depression anyway.

Off to poppy's. Care to join me anyone?

Waking Up To A Recurring Song

And it is called "Time Is Running Out"

Scary as it sounds, I wake up like a 'zing!' to it. Like the ring of my very annoying clock. Funny but the rhythm keeps me high like the weed I used to smoke once in the UK. And I kinda like the song. Especially when NRG played it once when I went to indulge myself with the sounds from Errie's flicking fingers.

The song reminds me of 'ol fuggy. My fag. Ciggie keeps me happy when I am down, but she is like the Death Angel who will someday inflict my lungs. Ciggie was my true best friend in the dark, in the morns, when I was once having insomnia. I would wake up at 3am or earlier, unable to sleep.

So this song goes to the many ciggies that came and went. Lighted up my sleepless nights.

Then again, this might be about my crying soul. I just need a change in my life. Or I am probably stucked in my past, still waiting for the Death Angel to probably suck the life out of me and hopefully, a new Nadia will be borned. One which is not haunted by her past.

Time Is Running Out by Muse (pretty kewl band)


I think I'm drowning
asphyxiating
I wanna break the spell
that you've created

you're something beautiful
a contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

you will be
the death of me
yeah, you will be
the death of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
and our time is running out
you can't push it underground

we can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
but I'm restricted
I tried to give you up
but I'm addicted

now that you know I'm trapped
sense of elation
you'll never dream of breaking this fixation
you will squeeze the life out of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
and our time is running out
you can't push it underground
we can't stop it screaming out

how did it come to this
you will suck the life out of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
and our time is running out
you can't push it underground
we can't stop it screaming out
how did it come to this

Monday, February 14, 2005

Five days worth of sweet, sweet peace and relax

I'm what you would call 'tasting the bits of what's left of the God-send holidays' Five days of it.. man, I'm feeling like very satisfied married person (let's not get into details, u know it, I know it, that will be sufficient).

Review before I fall into my deep sleep:

DAY 1 - Wednesday
Woke up at 10++am, decided, what a yummie day to show up at IKEA, since I have not checked the new outlet, so yea, fantastic idea. I was happy, cool stuff, stuff I would like to have in our future home. But through my observations and being there as a customer, I decided, IKEA is not very user friendly izzit? I mean, the managing systems and works of the shopping process is a wee bit messy I thought. I would not go deeper on this issue, but I thought a hell lot about this particular shop while I was in the UK. ARGOS it was called. That is about the most brilliant method to shopping that I have ever come across. Bear in mind, ARGOS applies only of home appliances and smaller equipments. For consumer products, visit TESCOs.

Oh, I purchased Mr. PoohPooh today from IKEA. He's our 'wicked!' son.

Still in DAY 1, sent mom to sherrie's house. Apparently sherrie's mom and my mom had some issues they would discuss on.

Nite: I went to see the witch doctor. To cure my 'seeing' thingys I dont want to see.

DAY 2 - Thursday
Went to the opening of another shipping company called CME. It was pres' call. I just followed him. Anyways, I was flattered as some of the personnel there thought I was a kid accompanying pres. Like a teenager. Oh well... you know me. Period.

Watched Constantine. I thought it was brilliant. The mexican guy in there looked like my pal, Mamat. Mamat kalau hang baca ni... mmg aku tak tipu lah, tak lari serupa rupa hang dgn budak mexican tuh, cara jalan pun sama. Aku ingatkan, ko dah tukaq career, titiba nak main crita omputeh!

I was happy with the ugly demons. Demons are meant to be ugly. There is one quote from the movie which I would like to snip and apply it onto myself, ie. "Do not let your guilt overshadow your fate" That was indeed said by Gabriel in that movie. Oh, I thought the coolest character in Constantine was Lu, the devil. He made me laugh. Cool fella.

DAY 3 - Friday
I decided to go up Gentings. Just a short day trip. Was cold, nice view, new scenario from the time I last went up there. One thing that bothered me was the Chinese. Too noisy, hogging the toilet, ignorant of the queueing up system, parking where ever they felt like it and just annoying! Safari and Cloud 9 are two of the clubs I manage to check out, while it was closed. I went back before sunset.

After Gentings, head for Klang. Went to Tanjung, a nice pretty shop by the sea, where you can see ships crossing over, doing their channeling. And also, what we went there for. Pres, was pretty sweet, he thought about sunset. I love the purple sky, result from the aftermath of sunset itself. Beautiful is the word. But I have also been up to Mount Sinai in the Egypt to catch sunrise. Between sunsets and sunrises, I would go with sunrises. I see the birth of life with the sunrise, even the morning glory blooms with every rise of the sun. Birds come out to play and sing. Life begins. I swear, at that time of sunrise up Mount Sinai, if someone just went down on his knees and asked for my hands, I would definately say YES without a doubt.

DAY 4 - Saturday

I met Aboo babe after a month or two of not meeting her. Wow, that was fun meeting and just talking. It was suppose to be a all girls evening out, like the old days. Pres was in Klang at his parents', I thought this was a perfect opportunity for an ABOO meet! The thought of picking on weird dressed people, couples and anyone at all came tru my mind. It was evil, but I was pleasured by it. I am talking about this 2 chicks, when powers combined, are UNSTOPPABLE. Arent we Aboo? We would attract so much attention, people would stop eating for us. People would try hard to fit in with us. And I am talking about people I meet on the next mamak table to us, people we not know or seen before.

However, my evil intentions were altered as pres was on the Komuter, anticipating to meet me, so I let him join us. There goes, one evening of fun, but we achieved what we'd call sufficiently amusing meet.

LAST DAY - Sunday
It's sunday already? Why... still woke up at 10++am, been doing it for the last 5 days, so what the heck?! I decided to hit RIO de Futsal. They had a tornament going on. The chicks were hot. Rite, get this straight, I am NOT GAY, but I do appreciate what I would call the work of art, and to me, girls are God's bits of art. And they were cool.

Evening.. pool again. We played this very fun combined team pool. Nathra (my sis) and pres teamed up against sherrie and I. And we knock the shit out of them. Go SMOKING FINGERS!! Man, I'm starting to love that game of stick, balls and holes. Sounds cool innit? Try playing...

Now, I'm off to bed, need to get my beauty sleep. I'm working tomorrow like every other routined citizen just like myself. Thank you.

And since there is 26 minutes left to the day, I might as well, be the first to wish you, my loyal and faithful reader, who find my twisted mind amusing or interesting, in some way or another.

Happy Valentines Day to you. And I meant it alright!

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

The things that signifies the color RED

One thing I would like to work on, on NEED basis:

.Anger Management.

When it comes to my emotional status, I would bravely admit it that I act like a bloody 16 year old teen whose hormones are all brimming all over. I can come to a rampage when I get real mad. Usually I shut the fuck up, and take my own lead to hide. Calm my super karakatoa like anger. Sometimes, I can almost feel the fire coming of my ears. And flames dancing in my eyes. The devil in me gets hold of my self-control reign when I am at rage. I am lucky if I just manage to do the shutting off of the world and run to hide in one I build on my own.

However, if I get mad and loose it, I recognise no mercy. Whatever comes. Hell with the world and my actions. Point is, I need help. Professional help. I need to chill it. Absolute peace and freedom. I search for serenity. I know it is there somewhere in me.

I have so much love to give yet, I dont really know channelling it. I know Rasta and Smeagols understands the unsaid bits I potray to them.

QUOTE.Blah blah blah this is like such a boring idea for a day. It sucks bigtime, I mean why am I doing this Diary? It's sooooooo patronising to assume that teens are all the same for one thing, like, attention-span-deficited, spotty, moaning hormones on legs. AAAAAA-AA-A-A-RRGGGGHHHH! It makes me wanna vom! It's like what Sarte said: "we're all free to be what we want to be". Or something. Dont Benrik get it?!! Tragic... The world is a funny place. Who said that? Bah, this isnt worth writing about, I dunno why I get so wound up. Sometimes I do not think my opinions and insights into matters of the world significant enough to merit recording posterity. My life is so empty. The universe is doomed. And I hate school, specially math. Gotta do homework man. Later.UNQUOTE

-Taken from Benrik's THIS DIARY WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE 2005, with the daily theme for that day: TEENAGER DAY - Act like a teenager.THIS DIARY WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE 2005 is currently my life manual-


.Chinese New Year.

I remember as a child, maybe when I was about 7 or 8. On CNY morns, daddy and I would hit the road. Just driving around Kajang searching. I would feel so colourful and excited. The hunt was for the Lion Dance lorry. When we spot one lorry, we'd tail them down to their next destination. Actually park the car, watch them do the funky ang pau plucking and what not. We'd then drive home, all happy. This is my CNY childhood memories. Pretty sweet and touching, it's a classic to me as well.

The last straw

Today I'm freaked out.

The stranger in my sleep came to visit me again. But that is it. I have had it. Today, it has shown itself to me. And I cant even bare to take the lift alone again. What more to go to the loo!

The fact that I saw his face. Funny because I thought it was a she. But it turned out to be a he. Clad in baju melayu, samping and tengkolok made of plain maroon and black cloth. He visited me by the window, maybe to say hello. He made sounds. Like an eerie "oooooo". He sounded old. But I manage to take a look at him. He had fair skin, clean shaven and a flawless face. Unlike his voice, he was young. Probably in his 30s.

In my sleep I thought he was making a break-in. So, I tried being macho, the usual me, I picked up the rotan chair and tried scaring him off. I thought by then he would have pick up speed to take off. Instead, he gave me this confident look, smiled at me, and started doing his funky stunts.

Here goes...

He walked through walls. And he made his point. He made his entry into my home. Or what I used to call it.

My house is haunted. And my room in particular. For some reason he has interests me, considering the fact that he was bugging me all this while. But last nite, for the first time he showed himself.

You guys must be thinking I am making this up. That is alright. I dont believe in ghost and UFO either. It is only when you see them, you will know. And I aint going nuts as well. I dont want to see mr tuah as well. I just want to sleep peacefully, as I used to.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

My dearest Valentine

14th February of a given year.

Lovers around the world confess their undying love, the sweet nothings. Nose rubbing. Sweet tingling kisses.

I know this is a wee bit too early to be in sir Val's mood. I'm here anyway.

I am not one of them 'minah jiwang'. Maybe I have become mellow. But I like to keep my cool. Macho chiq. What a oxymoron. Nvm.

Well, I just thought, once, like maybe 2 years back, when these annoying couples go celebrate each others presence in their lives, I would celebrate "self awareness day". I went out on my own.

I remember, once not long after my breakup, after I have *met mb*, I wanted so much to be asked by him out for a decent movie or ask him out on one myself. However, my intentions were retarded by my fear. I was this scared bitter girl at that time.

So on 14th Feb 02, I decided to celebrate self-awareness day. I wanted to pamper myself. I got me a movie ticket for 1. How dreadful, but wait till you hear the rest... Ticket to some movie, I dont remember what. Oh yes, it was Monster Inc. Mind you I was at Birm at that time. I did not ask mb also because I tried once and he was the sorta guy that did not like cartoons. But Monster Inc. was more like a anime to me. Anyway, I bought this LARGE popcorn, to be consumed by me alone. But before I manage to get to my seat, I pour the whole thing. So that was the blunder for my pampering day. I cried a hell as well, because the movie was touching.

On the train back, I was stopped for ticket, and I did not have one. But I looked so terrible, even the ticket personnel let me off. It was so terrible, I remembered that very day till today. I went home and continued my session of crying.

I'm sitting here thinking of that very day now. I feel pretty much silly and sorry for myself. At that time, I still had a heart. I lost my heart when I lost mb. After that I was so cold, I was untouchable. That was when I had my glory days. After I lost my heart. But the thing is I did not only lost a heart, I did not have a soul.

For a year, I had no feelings at all. Almost numb that if I cut my fingers till it bled, or jump off my room window, I would feel no pain. No pain could compare to losing mb. That was just exactly how I felt, pity, mb had no God damn idea I had such feelings for him.

Today, I am trying to build my heart again. And today when I can feel no more, I feel bad. I'm trying to love. To believe that love has finally come my way. But being emotional does mess with a lot of things, like my goals and being focus.

Maybe I became like this for a reason. I also felt on the 1st of Jan 2002, I died. That was when I lost my mind and I lost myself. I did not realise it till recently. I was lifeless for 3 God damn years. Like a zombie, walking, scavenging on the remains of life, trying to crack a decent smile. I could not feel anything. Nothing made sense. Everything was a mess, whether it was nice or not.

And recently I feel like I have been given the 2nd chance to live again. Am I the only one who feels things like this, or does everyone at some point in life.

Disappointment

It was disappointment that killed me.

*met mb* in this context means, I got to know him, became his friend and pillow as he was to me at that point. I knew mb a year before I actually got to know him personally.

The pebbles on my strolls comes in different shapes

There are a few things that caught my eyes. This pretty eyes of mine, and I am oh-so very proud of it.

1- Makchik selling nasi lemak has a new competitor who is doing well. I am amazed, but annoyed at the same time... it is MAKCHIK's nasi lemak we are talking abt here. It is at stake. And I dont see her smile as much these days as well.

2- Chinese drivers annoys the hell out of me in the mornings! How rude and inconsiderate. Call me a racist, but I am speaking through REAL LIFE experience here. First hand, raw experience. These people have no sense of sensitivity at all. Ignorant bastards or the bitches too... tsk tsk tsk. What is the world becoming too? So much for Nilai Murni and Budi Bahasa

3- Beware of warehouse sales. I went for this stock clearence sale yesterday. Selling perfume. I was disappointed. The perfumes sold were stale, what's worst, they became rancid. Also if the kilang is selling cooking stuf. Like the factory I used to work at, they only put the cooking oil and cake mix out for sale, when it is out of spec and they can cover it up no more, and the cake mix was filled with floor maggots (honest!)

4- There are people who maybe since they were lil had a dream of becoming a traffic police. For some reason, they never made it. And guess what this person do every 6pm after work to finish what's left of his life? Become a voluntary traffic police! I swear man, and he comes equiped with the gloves and flouresent vest and not forgetting the WHISTLE! Talk about being good samaritans.

5- You know you are over an ex- when you can add him/her on your friendster. And able to chat with him like a long lost friend from the time before time. And you never remember anything about him, even his favorite colour. And best of all, you know you are over him when you say "THANK GOD I am not with him today".

6- You know you are not over a guy in the past, when you accidently stumbles on his profile on friendster and read it, but dont dare ask him to be your friend, or even type in a message asking how he's doing. And your heart beats like the muther&$#!ng speeding train, when you see his/her picture on friendster. And you are definately not over him when you go "I wished I could turn back time to change things undone, unsaid and get the what if's answers"

7- The number of blind people are increasing, especially when you are chilling at devi's in bangsar and you are approached by 5 blind people. Walking in KLCC and they are asking for donation for the blinds. And I walk to work, I see people leading the blinds.

8- I can play pool well, if pres guides me to get the first 3 balls into the hall, then I am a winner! Weird, but I noticed that.

9- Pres got back his lost voice from the sore throat. And now it looks like I will be the next one down with sore throat. Back up for miss sexy voice!

10- A dinner for two up at Menara KL cost only RM400 per couple. FOUR HUNDRED fishing BUCKS?!! And it is not even set dinner. It is bloody buffet... where you get up and get your own food. WHat the ?? If I were you, if you are looking for something cozy and nice and romantic. Try Victoria Station, get a bottle of sparkling juice and your food will be complete. A decent meal for two there on a normal day would cost you half of 400. And it's all served like it should be. Pres and I will be doing Poppy's near Budaba this Valentine.

11- I am shy to talk to Errie Naham (NRG guitarist), though he was nice and offered me another hand-shake, yea baby! I walk past him, pretending I dont notice him. Why am I doing this... and this means, god I FANCY HIM!! Bad... this is bad... please let it all go away... please. I dont wanna to go watch them play, but they play good music. And he's like asking me to come... DELUDED by a star...

12- Today is a FRIDAY!! Wow! The weekend already? Mama mia...

13- Pres' new look is starting to get the best of me. Man, he's soooo BOTAX! And cute... botak and cute... yummie?

14- Mom and Tasha bitch about Nathra and dad over the phone. I wonder why I am not mentioned? Oh, now I remember... because I was sitting right there, pretending to watch tv. Rite... I come from the broken boulevard of 138A Jalan Bukit?

15- I am practicing the NAM countries' concept in dealing with my family members. I talk to dad when needed. I throw him comments when we are watching something we can watch together, like the Apparentice on tv. Those are memorable conversations I have with dad, probably on weekly basis. Mom, when I am talking about marriage stuff. Nathra is probably the closest family member. But now we have different rooms and she's working late, so I have trouble connecting with her. The closest family at home, I talk to and attached to is Rasta, Smeagol, Mama, Soxymulsion and Tacy. Oh ya, the neighbours dog, Beamen, greets me when I come back from work, so it is only polite if I greet him in return. So, you get the picture...

16- I miss sherrie. We both came to a conclusion, that our lunch dates are weird.. because neither of us are ourselves. Clad in working attire, both are just so 'skema'. The other days meeting is not considered as a hang out, because it was so formal.. damnit! We used to be housemates for God's sake... loosen up already!

17- The Jawi guys who humilated the clubbers they caught are mere bastards. If it was me, I would tie each of them naked to a chair, put a sign, deprived cock-suckers on their neck. Take pictures of them, and make millions of photocopies of the picture. Go up Menara KL and just throw them down from up there. Try raiding Planet Hollywood. Try the old men and dato's and datins drinking their life away. Yea, go get them bastards... no, you wont rite? WHy? Because this people had the mohoney to feed your deprived thrist and greed for numbered pieces of papers.

I think that will be enough for now. These are lil things I usually notice but never bother to pen them down. If I want to make a difference, I guess I should notice these lil things.

Still excited about the fact that... TODAY's a FRIDAY! Yeewha!

Friday, February 04, 2005

Rags to Richies

I have found the spice again. I need it, the zest of life.

The word 'business' turns me on like a motherf*$#!ng tongkat ali. KECH!NG! Jackpot, I know I'm in lurve...Rite... you might say. So be it. I will be doing something of which will keep me occupied for a very long time. Money is the essence of life these days. Trust me, no money, no talk, no chiq, no friends, worst... NO ROOF over your damn head! See how the world revolves around just pieces of numbered paper we call.. money.

Anyway, I'm doing it coz, I wanna break the mould. Not really, my parents were business people, so I might just have what it takes. If it is based on heritage, I will definately be able to pull this off, based on the fact that my parents became big from zero when they started. I guess I will never know, till I find out for myself ait?

Secondly, when you are working, and you know the management is messing up somewhere and you have no power to change it, because you have no power in decisions making, then you get just annoyed. Another, because, I want to try something new, but I am scared, in case I go wrong somewhere.. I most probably die young. However, if it is my own, I go wrong somewhere, hey... I AM THE BOSS! I know it aint just about that, but yea, I wanna make a difference.

I'm just thinking people today are moulded to be lazy and to fear failure. We go to school, where it is all paid for. Or we are under some loan of some sort, I was one of them who had parents pay for my education... and then, we graduate and work at the mighty so and so company, getting paid the same amount of money every month. And we dont really care much, because, so long as we get paid as much and get a lil some increment every year we are happy. And we wake up to it, each and every day doing the same ol thing again and again. Till when? Till the day we retire or if we are unlucky, we die (some people might think of this as a bliss, dying earlier).

And then what?

I would like to sit up there in hell or just the oblivion, thinking I made a difference. At least I did not waste this curse to become the decendent of Adam, to walk on Earth and live the ever challenging life God presented me with. After all, I made it to the ovum, I competed with millions of others (you know what ait?), and I was the one chosen.

I did it then, why not now?

This zest is doing me good for now. I feel good about it. I am just trying out this theory I came up with sometime ago, let's just see if I will manage to pull it.




Tuesday, February 01, 2005

I cant believe it's Nadia!

The alien in my room visited me again. I also woke up with a stiff neck today. And it is Monday, the usual manic Monday. I aint complaining though. Tomorrow is a KL's holiday. And I am one of them lucky ones to get off work.

My plans for tomorrow... the day is nearing, although it is six months from the day I get engaged, but I am already hunting and buying the neccessities. So tomorrow will be a day where I get kain for the the baju tunang. Haha. Something I never did and thought about my whole life. Let me refresh you on my nature somewhere in mid 2003.

This is how I would describe and potray myself to the public:

I carry the air of a rebel, someone who associates with hate like it is the essence of life. Have you watched Elektra lately? Yes, that's me when it comes to guys, and love. But I am not all that sexy and hot as Jeniffer Garner. But yea. Anyways, I have so much revenge in me. Like the whole world is against me, for some reason. Nothing is right, unless something really good happens to me. I am more of the 'result orientated' person. I wont believe it until it smacks me right in my face.

I go around dressed like I came back from college. The messy type. I have a pair of trainers, which I go around everywhere with. I never carried a handbag all of life, what's worst, to be seen with them! The word blouse appauls me. I never, never will ever be caught in skirt, HELL NO! I was the biggest tom-boy around, and I despised all them pretty sweet girly girls because my ex-bf ranaway with one of them b!tch3s.

Also, if I met someone I really fancy, like rotten kind of fancy, like 'fancy the pants off you' sort of fancy, I treat them with no mercy at all. I show the worst of me, like the usual is not already enough. I exhibit hatred, tend to say mean things, making them think I hate their gutts. Truth is, I was just being defensive about the whole 'fancy them' thingy. It's like the Skye Sweetnam song.

And then, I met pres boi....

That was when it happened. My world of black and reds were crushed with an instant. I was actually painting my life pink. And it did annoy the hell out of me in the beginning. I tried giving him the worst, but damn that guy is good... he just knew how to pacify me. It's like, I am the snake and he was the snake charmer. I dont know who was worst? I was confused, paralizyed with an instant.

Then, I learnt... I learnt how to give in. Not fight my feelings. Just relax, as he has taught me. And here I am...

Shopping for textile for our engagement! Darn, how things can change with a snap of the fingers. I am growing my what's used to be a spikey hair. It is now shoulder-length. And I am even planning to do the rebond thingy once it's up to the right length. Here comes the worst bit, I am buying majalah PENGANTIN!! And I am actually going through the pages like it's Perry's (a chemical engineering bible, just in case u didnt know).

So you get the picture right? Point is, love change you. Provided it is the right person. It is not something you choose. I did not choose to be like this, though I did choose to get myself here. But I met pres boi by suprise. I did not even try to find him. I knew he was out there, but my spirits for love at that time was waned out. I was tired with all these love games. He was feeling the same. He came out there (crimson) to eat, and I just wanted to meet my best mate, sherrie. I did not even know a boy named pres existed!

Well, well, life's like a box of chocolate... you never know. I am appauled at myself. And the worst thing is, I kinda like doing this. It annoys me even more. Sheesh majalah pengantin! WHat the ???

You tell me...