The Highest Order Of All Complications In Life: April 2005

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Weekend Wonder

Sigh... what a beautiful day. For those who are working, you will understand what I mean. It's a Friday, and it aint just any other Friday, for Monday is a holiday. Yeay!

I will be able to compensate on the sleep hours that I lost last weekend from the PAC thingy. I swear tomorrow, if everything goes well, I will wake up only at 12noon. What a self-indulgence.

A wee bit of excitement today, for Pres and I will be going for the Tentang Dia, as said yesterday. And we will have dinner at a cozy corner, if that does not happen, we will settle for ice-cream from Lecka-Lecka.

Now, I'm off to KLCC oh, for my 2 and a half hour break. I'll be meeting Sherrie Berry over a cup of coffee. Man, I just love Fridays. Eventhough I am busy today, but still, Fridays are just the best!

Cheers guys, hope you are having a great time too! Also, have a good weekend!

Friday, April 29, 2005

About Her

How many of you out there are as curious as I am on this movie ? How many of you actually read and understood what the movie is about?

I am sooo attracted to this movie and cant wait to see it. It's so unlike any asian movie, it brings up the issue of having feelings for members of the same sex.

Somehow, I dont know how many girls out there have gone tru this, but what I'm saying is that it is not impossible for a girl to fall for her best friend, who was or is always by her side and who happens to be another girl.

I'm not saying that it is right, with the religious issues and rules, but, it does happen. Truth is, I was probably in Gadis shoes once (but nothing happened, so dont go having funny ideas).

The cronology of a girl to fall for her understanding, best friend, who happens to be a girl, goes like this:

a) Boyfriend hurts girl
b) Ends up in a break-up
c) Girl is hurt, feels betrayed by the opposite sex
d) Girl hates every walking creature with a dick and a pair of balls
e) Girl turns to her best friend (another girl), who is always there, and protects her from harm
f) Girl feels safe and loved
g) A bond is built between them with the time spent
h) They become inseparable
i) Girl thinks hard, gets herself confused with the love of a friend
j) And she finally admits to herself - she's lesbian and go against the call of nature

However, in some cases, they come to their sense and say "this is wrong, therefore I must choose to ignore this feeling for best friend" or she is a closet lesbo and just before she converts into one, prince charming came with his shining armour and saved her from the horrible world and they lived happily ever after (like me).

So what do you think? Bet many will raise their eyebrows, but heck, I didnt do anything wrong, and plus we dont really know what's the ending to Tentang Dia yet. So, again, I would suggest you to buy a ticket tonite, as it is the first day opening today and get first-class seats and pay attention. For local showtimes and online reservation, click here .

Sometimes, all a girl wants is to be loved by someone, and there is NO prejudice whatsoever to whom that person might be, taking into account of sex as well. And that is what I would call, pure love. Love that comes from the heart. Meaning, all a girl wants is a 'person' to love and be loved. Doesnt really matter, whether it is a woman, man, ugly, pretty, short, fat, etc.

Oh, I forgot about this other thing, there is a guy in the movie, maybe he is the girl's prince charming, exactly in my case, but it is again, up to her to choose. Man, I cant wait to know what happens!

P/S : Kisah yg tertera di atas adalah fiction semata-mata, dan tidak ada kena mengena dgn yg masih hidup atau sudah mati, tetapi kalau sesapa termakan cili and terasa plak.. well, kenyit-kenyit mata saja ek?

From the creator's desk

Guys, guys... thanks for the feedbacks. I'm flattered, which explains the mood check-up for today. I'm feeling fabulous-O! Wow!

It feels like I threw a party and it is just great to see smiling faces and stuff. I am an attention seeker and I admit it (at least I have the guts). Arent we all? In some way or another?

I have been trying to find add-ons which will make my blog worth a visit, the truth is, in the past 2 days, I have been a total geek, while I was doing my blog re-vamp. Which was worth while, suddenly I have a gush of comments.. and you guys made me happy.

Thank you all and I love all of you. Take care

P/S: It's my pay day, yea yea!.. how better can the day get?!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

A new face

Notice that I have decided to change the settings of my blog. Maybe a new Nadia was born after last weekend. Or I have decided to brighten up my life, thus the color scheme I picked for my blog.

Lime green gives a refreshing feeling and so does my blog.

I dont know I feel new today. I was happy when I turned up at work this morning.

And I have also added my top picks on life prying. And newoman, you are my number one, girl! Happy 16th Birthday hunney... :)

Everyone loves new faces dont they, that is why everybody is into Re-branding these days. Like Telekom, just changed into TM and if you notice, they even changed the road sign which used to say Menara Telekom, today has been changed to Menara TM.

I dont know TM will make any good for Telekom (or what used to be), but I know FCUK certainly made a big big impact to French Connection. Their sales just went up I think 5 times at least of what they used to make before they became FCUK. That was wicked!

So what do you think people, will my hit counter on the side go up like crazy... oh God, I might have to start from zero now (because I forgot about the hit counter thingy)

Also notice I retained my title of my precious blog, to keep it's originality. Because I do believe that I am the definition of 'complicated'.

Well, keep reading, keep commenting and keep prying...

P/S: By the way, anyone can comment now, so Aboo, Sherrie and Ayie tunggu aper lagi? Comment lar! I did that for you guys tau!

Psycho Test

Here are some of the questions which were asked during the PTD Assessment Program (PAC) and believe it or not, I actually laughed or manage to give out a small snuckle while answering.

Damn, it is funny.. some I can remember (oh ya, I selitkan my answer and explaination for it):

Q : Anda pernah putus cinta?

A : Ya

E : Hell yes, and somehow I survived, I am SO PROUD of myself. But why ask? Putus cinta, for a diplomat job, one of the criteria is that you have to experience heart break, or... otherwise? But I think it is more like, heart breaks are probably ones most tragical event, and if you can get that, you can get by anything.

Q : Anda pernah menggelakkan lucah?

A : Ya

E : Hell yea, anyone who knows me will know how otak kuning I am

Q : Anda pernah memperkatakan tentang seks?

A : Tidak

E : Hell, that is one big bloody lie! But under critical measure and searching for a diplomat post, a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do.

Q : Anda merasakan dunia ini penuh dgn derita dan kesedihan?

A : Tidak

E : Just pretend that I am living in one happy world

Q : Anda merasakan bahawa anda membuat satu kesalahan besar

A : Tidak

E : Sometimes, I do, but I'm not that whacked to worry about it like 24-7

Q : Anda pernah minum arak berlebihan

A : Tidak

E : As if! 5 pounds entrance of DV8 in birm and u can drink till u drop, but well... oh did I mention that DV8 in Birm is a GAY club? Ahhahahah

Q : Anda sesekali terasa gembira tanpa sebab

A : Ya

E : I do, sometimes, and I would say it is the weather... kot?

Q : Anda ada masa tertentu yang membuatkan anda gembira tanpa sebab?

A : Tidak

E : A manipulative question, saying like at a certain time of a day say 6pm and u go nuts. I aint whacked if that is what the question meant.

And I was laughing, dont blame me, because it was funny. And it was only normal to laugh, dont you think, unless you are some uptight serious bitch, then you will laugh with me. Talk about a psycho test. It was really men-psychokan!

Oh ya. I am broke, so looking forward to the 28th, get paid and get ... nvm. Erm, who's doing anything special for their moms this coming weekend? I want to, but aint have a clue..

Any tips here? I bought a handbag for mom last year and I dont think she liked it. I guess I am hopeless with ladies stuff, know what I mean? Maybe I should take her out on a play? Or dinner? Clueless...

Ideas guys or gals?

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Every Silver Cloud Has A Silver Lining

And these are the silver lining

That made my weekend a great one! I had a splendid time at INTIM, Kemaman, despite the tragical events that took place, along with the controversy.

From left : Alia, my lovely roomie and Yuhana

Lil that I know, that baju bekerja, government term, specifically means BAJU KURUNG (for women). I guess someone like me, who doesnt know just have to be psychic with the government to know such term.

On my first day, after leaving Kajang at 6 in the morn, they (the facilitators) made such a big fuss that we did not turn up in Baju Kurung, or had limited stock of it.

I sustained myself, though Pres gave me the option of turning back and head for home on Friday. But I am the iron lady, I thought, what the heck, I should stay on and see how bad things can turn.

How glad I was, when I met my roomie, darling Alia, who was in the very same boat as I was! And we got along so well, I found myself actually having fun. Yuhana, completed the party by joining us and we went tru the whole military and robotic session proudly.

Some of the amazing things I found out about myself:

Able to wake up at 5.45am to attend a 6.15am aerobic session!
Able to be a reliable source for information to my peers, and I am glad to be at service
Able to be a team player, as well as a team leader.
People listen to me! WOW! That was new
Hopeless at giving speeches in malay (something I have to work on! --> Alia, I might have that 'malay day thingy' LOL!

And the most important thing I gained from the PAC was friendship. From two amazing people, Alia and Yuhana.

Thank you for making my stay at INTIM a memorable one guys! Hope to meet up with you guys sometime, pool or something....

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Time to accelerate?

It is the weekend already for me, in 15 minutes time, to be exact, rite after I finish writting this post, I will be officially done for the week.

Yeay!!

As for tomorrow is Maulud Nabi off-day here in KL and we all get a holiday, now dont get jealous of me for those who dont... just appreciate the fact that some of us are able to get lucky at times.

My Anual Leave application have been approved. So off I go to Kemaman this Friday. No, not for a bloody weekend, but a 3 day wit, attitude and commucation skills evaluation sort of course.

Yes, it is the PTD Assessment Program (PAC) thingy I was yapping about sometime earlier. In order to be a diplomat to represent my country, I have to go through this so call elite selection cum brain and emotional drilling program. And I will be happy if it ended there. This is only Stage 2. I hope I make it.

Why I want this? Yea, I have been thinking:

1 - Because I have my self-worthiness to prove (that I am what I proclaim to be, unique, smart and just exceptional, a gem in a hay stack situation)

2 - Because my first success on the exam made my parents proud. Yea, I wanna do it for my mom and dad. I wasnt them to know that I am no longer a baby, but evolving slowly as I learn by the street.

3 - Maybe because I do love my country deep down inside, and I want to make a difference.

4 - Because I want to be posted overseas, like some I knew who joined the UN and currently working for the government in NY as well as another in London.

Now, peers and nemesis(es) if I have any, pray with me so I will be able to go through Stage 2 of three. Just a lil favour. I hope I will get through.

B.E.A.U.T.Y .... from within

Every Tuesday, when the clock strikes 10pm, I am smack rite in front of my TV, tuned in to 8TV to watch my favorite show of all times.

Yes, it is America's Top Model hosted by Tyra Banks, along with her sidekicks.

Funny, because a girl like me watching a pack of bimboninas bitch about each other, running around in their undies (at times)... It is the bimbonina version of Apprentice, you might think.

Till, you meet Eva...

She is my favorite, from the first time I saw her, I knew she was exceptional. Beauty that shines from within. She is not the convertional, tall, legs and fair milky skin, in the shape on an hour glass body sorta girl.

When she started off, she claim that she was a tomboy. And with short hair and just being short, who would have thought it be her? However, this girl is smart. She is outspoken, not to mention that she is VERY LOUD! and I just knew... there was just something about her.

Point is, beauty is how you bring yourself. The air around you. It shines from within and through your eyes, it conveys a message to others... that you are indeed, BEAUTIFUL.

Yaya, her competitor and her nemesis (as well as mine), was the judges favorite, not forgetting the fact that she won 5 times in the many weeks the strive to become America's Top Model.

After last nite's show, me, being my curious self just had to find out who actually won, and so I surfed tru yahoo and here goes....

www.upn.com/shows/top_model3

Having said that, my last words for eva the diva... YOU GO GIRL! That attitude thing is ON!

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Khutbah Mommy

Yesterday I went home to mom's rambling, which I missed, ironically.

Sometimes, I am just so caught up with work and my social life, the chance to sociallise with the family members are just so... well, almost nil.

However, I had the chance to have a decent 'family'-like conversation with mom. And she started on the 'M' issue, as usual... mothers... :P

And she went on and on, about I have had bad relationships in the past. And when all these happened, pres was around, to happily listen to mom's story. Mom told him about the incident when I had the 'break-up' of my life with my ex. And how, I was shivering while I was sleeping. She knew because I slept with my mom that nite I broke up. It was a sad story, but now when I think of it, I can laugh, laugh out loud!

Then came the mb story. Mom knows about his existance too. How I felt like a loser and cried, whenever I called her from the UK. And she had to be supportive of my decisions because she was afraid I'd do something stupid, like some self-destructive act or something. I was that close in fact. To commiting suicide, to tell you the truth, if not for my precious friends.

The came the conclusion to her tales... that I am with pres now and that close to tieing the knot. And she was afraid I will not comply to being the ideal wife. As usual... the fact that I dont do any housework. Biasaler, mom's ramblings.

Point is, I had an amazing time just listening to her last nite. Eventhough it did hurt my alter ego, but I looked at it as quality time spent with mom. And I miss her. I live with her, but we just dont talk as often as we use to. And that is pretty sad.

I am thinking of taking mom out during weekends. Just for a casual chat. Mom used to be my friend. And 'growing-up' sometimes is so time consuming that I forget my priorities. I guess it is time to fulfill the neglected.

Snap Shots Over The Weekend

Here are more snap shots on the comel-comel babies....

My fav with her binoculars

Senyum yg dibuat-buat

Lil tugs pose

Lil tugs and the Godfather

I love these kids.. I can say it over and over again

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

What is it with me and kids?

I must tell you that I had the most enlightening weekends of my life. Never have I thought that I would come to this stage in my life. But here I am, and I aint turning back.

My weekend started with the movie - Pacifier on Friday. About a macho guy, Vin Diesel (ooo, that ass is just dying to be stroked, man, he is one hell of a butt-guy!) who suddenly, became a baby-sitter to 5 kids, when he had to protect them from people who tried to assasin the whole family for a silly program (as usual).

I am a crappy movie critic, so I suggest you to go watch it for yourself. It's a great watch.

Okay, my point is, it is either that movie got into me somehow, or somethin is just happening to me. That nite, I dreamt that I was married (to Pres.. yeay!) and I was... PREGNANT! Yea, how did nadia felt being a half-mom? Ironic, but I felt fantastic. I was sooo expecting my baby! I was so happy as well, and pres was such a great half-dad, and my mom was there to in my dreams, as I was parading aroung with my pregnant woman's attire.

Like, that wasnt enough, I missed my baby cousin aishah (which I will post photos of). She is only four and had just started kindergarten but, this girl is an amazing genius. She can read! I am not kidding guys, she has started the Peter and Jane module for kids and she has started on level 2b, when her school only taught her till 2a!

I am in love with this kid, and for reading to pres and I the whole book, I gave her a lolly. And she is one sweet baby, she shared with me.

Also, on Sunday, we went to meet my other auntie who recently gave birth and there were other cousins of mine, and hell, they were all playing around Pres. He was playing dad and they loved him. I manage to take a picture of the whole lot. You should see how beautiful these kids are..

I think I am in love... sighhhh...

P/S: I know it is scary, is it a sign?

Aishah doing her thing with her shoe

Man, dont you think she's adorable? What till u see the next one!

Told u, this kid is to die for, and to think.. she can READ owdi

Look who's playing DAD?!

This is Najwa or wawa, aishah's elder sister, sweet innit?

Saturday, April 16, 2005

If I were NOT me...

What would I be... here goes:

if I were a month I would be:
November, even Guns & Roses made a song on it! And it is indeed my birth month

if I were a day of the week I would be:
Fridae baby, because my life begins on a Friday

if I were a time of day I would be:
6pm, that's when I get to go home and play funky

if I were a planet I would be:
Pluto, just coz it sounds cute like the dog frm Mickey Mouse cartoon and it is so far away, and a tiny planet

if I were a sea animal I would be:
A sea-horse, who would have thought there'd be a horse down there?

if I were a direction I would be:
A bloody straight line

if I were a piece of furniture I would be:
An 'L' shaped sofa, because it's not only trendy, but you can do funky stuff on it.. while watching porn or somethin... ahahahhaha

if I were a sin I would be:
Lust... refer to the above question, enaf said.

if I were a historical figure I would be:
Julius Ceasar.. man, that "veni, vedi, vinci" quote is ON!

if I were a liquid I would be:
WKD blue...

if I were a tree I would be:
Some balak tree...

if I were a flower/plant I would be:
A poppy, keeps me happy all day

if I were a kind of weather I would be:
Break of spring, when the flowers bloom and the birds come out to play

if I were a musical instrument I would be:
A drum set!

if I were a color I would be:
Silver

if I were a vegetable I would be:
A celery stick, it's not only healthy, but yummie, plus they use it to make Bloody Mary

if I were a sound I would be:
The 'muax' sound, as in two people kissing

if I were an element I would be:
Fire

if I were a car I would be:
An ash coloured Peugot 407.. that's my ride!

if I were a song I would be:
Some explicit number by eminem

if I were a movie I would be directed by:
Yasmin Ahmad, man I love her productions.. Majulah filem Malaysia!

if I were a book I would be written by:
Some deep spiritual and soul searching piece from Paulo Coelho, and it's be great if it could be named : Nadia Decides To Win, after his book called Veronica Decides To Die

if I were a food I would be:
sambal petai, so yummie, yet stinky?

if I were a place I would be:
Ibiza, the island in Spain. Party all nite long, and people wear bikinis around me!

if I were a material I would be:
Silk... smooth and sleek

if I were a taste I would be:
'kelat' as in the taste of a young banana

if I were a scent I would be:Mango, tried the imperial leather's mango milk bath, that's what I'm talking about, or the Mango body butter frm Body Shop

if I were a word I would be:
Wicked!

if I were an object I would be:
Pieces of valuable paper we call money

if I were a body part I would be:
The butt, on a man or a woman, still looks to kill

if I were a facial _expression I would be:
The confused face

if I were a cartoon character I would be:
Stitch... that cute lil devil, always end up in trouble, even if he has good intentions

if I were a shape I would be:
A pentagon, too much of da vinci code I guess

if I were a number I would be:
I know I said 3 earlier (becoz that is my birth date), to think about it, I actually love the number 69! Bring it on...

Well, reality kicks in, and I will always be me.. nothing like said above, I guess that is the blessing of fantasy... a placebo to our aching soul

Ageing with time

On a day like this, I start to think real hard on what my achievements so far... or what really makes me happy.

It's been 2 nites, when I wake up at 3am or so, and start to worry... worry about my ageing self.

Suddenly, I just feel like I am getting old and time is running out on me, as if life is so short. Maybe it is.

Fun? Am I having any fun these days? I dont club anymore like I used to. I rarely go to the movies. My best friend is married. My other best friend is just as busy as I am, sometimes it is lucky to catch her or myself even.. being free on any given day.

I have decided that I am pretty sick of my routined life. Waking up every other day with the thought... man, why do I have to go to work? Why cant I be fucking self-employed or something.

My life is running short by the second. Yes, whose isnt? But am I living it up, optimising it to it's fullest?

The last thing I want is to feel like I missed something on my death bed.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Talk about drugs!

Today I came to work after having MC yesterday.

However, I am still on the drugs, so I'm totally whacked..

And I have nothing much to say, except this is the aftermath of falling ill. Man, I'm so high, I could actually taste heaven.

And still reality kicks my butt, damn I am cooped up in my cubicle and have loads to do for today.

Another thing, is that I will be most probably working this Saturday. What e week... what e week...

Oh, thanks for your comments guys.. keep it coming. I love the wedding pics by the way. Sometimes, it's enlightening to know that someone cares for you once in a while.. :)

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Referee blows his wistle.. SAFE!

And so one of my friends dah slamat....

Here are some pictures from the majlis at the masjid last Saturday.

Happy faces shows that we went back with the feeling of content.

Aboo came along for sherrie's wedding. It's nice to have both my best friends along side with one of our biggest events. And the fact that it was pretty much unplanned, Aboo and I turned up in BLUE! And Sherrie's hantaran was blue as well. What e coincidence!

But I know, for Pres and I, somehow we envy the fact that Sherrie and Amir are now one. Both of us wished that we were also standing at where Sherrie and Amir were. Taking that sacred vows, promising to God that they will take care of each other till death do them apart.

Some how, both of knew that our time will come and we anticipate for that very day. Till then, I have lil pictures to cherish while we wait for our time to come.

Before akad nikah. Tiga sekawan bertudung

Line-up of hantarans

Slamat dinikahkan.. pres & I, Amir & Sherri and cute lil Aboo

Luar mesjid, aik! Tudung dah terebang ka?

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Do I need reasons for my gibberish?

My buddie back in the UK just got to find out about the existance of my precious, precious blog. And after reading it and realising the fact that i wrote something about him he asked: "Ko tak malu ke Nad tulis blog ni?"

My first reaction to that question was to pull back and get defensive. Now who wouldnt...

Now here are my answers Matt:

1 - You are not a blogger, so you wouldnt even begin to understand how one feels pouring out their thoughts on the internet, when sometimes, real people out there think you are some kinda cracko and how many people would want to actually here about problems unless they are being paid? A blogger forms a community of their own, all happy and safe and you can say or write anything under the sun without being hit (literally). Like I know this lady who hates the poeple at work and she can freely say it here. I bet after writing she feels like she took a punch (and a kick at her u-know-where)on that person she hates.

2 - It is a real good way of channelling your stress. Writing and letting the whole www read it. Sometimes I get lucky and there will be one of two comments on ym posties that I feel I am not alone or invisible. I get myself and opinions heard.

3 - I love reading blogs as I love writting them. And sometimes, when I have something to say I can comment. And I feel good having replies to my comments

4 - I know people from across the globe by reading blogs. And commenting. I have not a friend, but like a bond between this person I read about, sometimes, you know more about them and what it is that is goin on in their heads than the person I live with, like my mom. I dont know what she is thinking.

5 - And sometimes, I find poetry on life with this people I read about and it is amazing how creative some people are and secretive at the same time. But I still havent figured if akuh from www.whattosaymangkok.blogspot.com is a male or a female. Because if it is a she, man she is sooooo LESBIAN, and I just find her hot (in some ways)

See my point now Matt... you should try writing, rather than sitting alone in the dark, crying about it. And getting annoyed about nothing at all. Or practicing some kinda self-destruction act. Here, read some of this and you will find the light, I hope...

Check these out, some of my favs:
www.surwira.blogspot.com
www.schnubbupp.blogspot.com
www.matasepet.blogspot.com
www.kengster.blogspot.com
http://chicsinred.groovylicious.org/
www.whattosaymangkok.blogspot.com
http://husainiakakuman.blogspot.com/
www.yasminthestoryteller.blogspot.com

P/S: No offence, you are a great friend, but I was pretty hurt by that question you threw at me. Because, I thought you saw...

Saturday, April 09, 2005

My Best Friend's Wedding

And it is on Saturday, 9th of April... yes tomorrow!

Nikah takes place at the masjid next to Ali Berkat, our hang out.

If you read one of my earlier posties, you will come to know how we met. Amazing what Hatred can do to ppl, makes them actually realise that the well-know context of "Tak kenal, maka tak cinta" is actually true.

Sherry is an extra-ordinary girl, one of a kind, I would say. Helped me times and times again without failure.

And here we are actually standing at the next phase in our lives...

Man, I cant believe my mate is getting hitch like tomorrow, in the morning.

She is nervous, at this point, on the nite of tomorrow, she wants to hang out with me.

That signifies, just how important I am in her life, as she is to me.

I am as nervous as her, my hands are sweaty as I type this postie.

All I can say is, I am so proud of you mate. And you will become someone's soulmate tomorrow as the sacred vows are pronounced and the final "sah" kicks in. I do wish you all the happiness in life. I also remember the time when we had no one special to spend our Valentine's with in the UK, and I bought you a bouquet of fresh flowers from Tesco.

It came with a note saying that someday we will be having someone real in our lives and look, how time has changed and we are BOTH standing here at that point when love came knocking.

I guess, that Val's was meaningful, and it didnt even matter to me that I hadnt someone special, because you were there with me. You were my best buddie and I know that even if I travel the whole of the globe, there will never be a friend like you. Man, I feel like crying.

I love you and someday, you'd be having kids and my time will come too. I do wish we can go shopping for kid's stuff together. Ahhahaha...

Congrats dear! And well, enjoy what I cant for now I guess? AHhahahahah...

P/S: Just dont wake the neighbours, kays?

Some of the days when both of us were available.. sweet memories :)

Friday, April 08, 2005

Put a gun in my mouth and pull its trigger, please.. Coz I aint got the gutts to do it

Have you felt angry, and annoyed at nothing at all.. and you then, realise that you are actually angry at yourself?

However, you are so arrogant that you cant accept the mistakes you make on your own. Then, you sit and think on your own how should you go by it, and you decided...

That you should shut yourself out off the world for awhile. Stay in your lil cocoon you call space, and sit alone, crying in the dark.

Then, like that is not enough, people around you care for you and they want to help. But you, being an egoistic bitch say "thank you, but no thanks" by blaming them and kicking them so far away, even your actual bitch (the dog) wont be able to catch them for you.

Well, let's put it this way.. I am suffering from that disease I just mentioned earlier. And I am gonna sit in my lil cocoon for a bit before coming out to play again.

I'm sad and it makes me want to cry when I think of my critical self... sometimes, I ask God "why was I made this way?" Why cant I be like every other person out there who can just go by their mistakes and not look at it as their weakness.

When I make a mistake, it signifies my weakness.

And it shows...

That I am weak somehow.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Dear Aunt Agony,

How is this?

All of us go through new phases in life. Some are good, some are well, not so good but can and will be useful in the future somehow.

Case One
My best friend at college has finally found someone who mentally stimulates her to the point she thinks of him constantly. Yes. A CRUSH. After about 4 years of not having a relationship. She is feeling weird.

I remember the time I met Pres. You know what they say: Mandi tak basah, makan tak kenyang and tido tak lena. My life was turning up-side down. The usual 'solemn and individual' self now comes with an 'us' and it was just sooo weird.

Basically she told me, and I am truly honoured to be well, the first out of our gang to find out. I am just so glad for her. But there is something that boy has to go tru: The Friends-Torture and Evaluation session. You know what they say, "You wanna get with me, you gotta get with my friends" Pres survived the ritual, he is now part of the clan and officially accepted by my pals. And boy, this evaluation, does work, coming from experience.

Case Two
My best friend at university gets hitched this Saturday morn. Boy, I'm thinking of getting her something from I-NEED-HOUSE, know what I mean? and will be in a cute lil package with the message "Here to help" signed, Pres and Nadz.

This is the friend who helped me tru my hard phase while I was at Birm. And help me my shitty shitty times when I broke up with my ex and got rejected by mb. Maybe I will cry as soon as I hear the final 'SAH'. Tears of joy, it is...

Case Three
This guy I knew back in UK, my junior and he has a crush on this girl he met recently. They did 'stuff' together, but she had a boyfriend back in Msia. And now he's there, he kinda found out and broke up with her. I told him to take that oppoturnity and convey that he like her for real. He tried but failed. And now he is pretty sad.

It does remind me of the time when I was rejected by mb, how he said nasty things about me to some ppl. Felt like a loser. Thanks to my best friend (the girl in case two), things went fine and I got tru my studies the way I suppose to.

TRUTH
I have gone through Case Three, and then One when it finally came. Now I am preparing myself for Case Two. I guess, case 3 and 1 teaches you. And everyone has to go through it. Trust me, I went tru case 3 like a million of times before getting there. I almost turned GAY! Almost. But I guess prince charming came knocking at the right time.

However, these phases teaches you and make you realise that you were pretty stupid at some point in your life. What is important is that you dont make them (the mistakes) and some how you realise, it was all for the better.

Hunt for Dewan Masyarakat is on again

Second phase of my PTD preparations starts again. I made it for the exam bit. Thank God.

Now it's about passing the PTD assessment course. It is a three days course where it will take place at INTANs (National Institute of Public Administration) all over Malaysia. And my centre is at INTIM, Intan Timur, Kemaman (of all places). But I checked it out while I was at Kemaman last weekend. It the place was not bad. Not bad at all.

My preparation includes, reading of all the outdated Dewan Masyarakat(s) I bought and the new ones as well. And a lil bit of the newspaper. Another crash course.

The assessment is mostly testing on ones communications skills. There will be a debate, public speaking in Malay and English. My fear, is that I will get all tongue tide when the time comes.

Whatever it is, I will just attend it and do my very best. The battle is won already by me just attending it and facing my fears.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Sun, Sea, and The Beeach..

Splendid weekend. I dont want to sound deprived or anything, but I had one of the most exciting weekend, after Phuket of course.

Two days at Awana Kijal. Okay, this is gonna sound like some kinda hotel advert. But service was great, chicks were sweet. Yea, the 'ganu chicks are not-so-bad. Again, I would like to stress that I aint gay. I just know how to appreciate work of art.

The buffet breakfast was nothing like the many buffets I have had at Mutiara Hotel KL, or Legend. Or anywhere else in KL. Man, they had beef bacon. And they were generous as well. I could take 10 slices for all I care, there is still more for the rest. I notice the hotels in KL lack in stock replenishing.

Facilities were excellent. They had a massive swimming pool with water polo corner at one end, kiddies slides which is able to accomodate adult (tru experience), a warm jacuzzi corner (refreshing and relaxing as hell) and a sauna.

They had the game room, and their karoake centre comes with a POOL TABLE! Great for ppl with sucky voice like me. I go there for the sticks and balls and holes. There is the giant chess set which came to no use for me but great use for geeks (or not) who happens to play chess.

They had the tarik-tali rope as well, a beach volleyball court which can be converted to a beach soccer court.

What more can I asked for? It was just fantastic.

And tiring. But I learnt one thing,

No pain, no gain.

P/S: Dont get jealous, but I might be going down to Kemaman for my PTD Assessment Course and yea, who knows, I might just drop by Awana Kijal.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

My Own Company

"Never under-estimate someone, and never over-rate yourself"

Well said, however, there is a time and place for everything. To pull that on me, when I was feeling like trash, isnt what I need.

"I dont need this" I told myself. Pres could have been at least a lil more supportive. And I have had enough of his sorries.

And so I decided, today I will celebrate my own company. Like I used to about 2 years ago. I miss that.

I went shopping to heal my aching soul. And ironically, it felt good. Like the 'ol times.

I bought me a nice looking pants. Cost me a bomb. But if that is the price of the smile on my face, so be it. Hundred and Fifty Three Bucks it is then!

I bought myself a copy of Cleo as well, this month's edition they have the 50 eligible bachelor. Not that I am interested, because men who looks extra good are either GAY, or... they are like men version of bimboninas. Know what I mean? And usually it is all pretence. Naf said.

I was queueing up a fair amount of people queue at Times in KLCC for the Cleo. Paid for it, then I heard this lady ask: "Satu counter aje, cam ner nak buat business?"

Again, she was probably right, but there is a time and place for this. I mean, it was a Friday and during lunch, for Gad's sake! People should chill it these days. That lady must have been suffering from either "didnt get any last nite" syndrom or she is just the utter bitch.

I just shrugged and left the shop.

Walking under the burning hot heat from KLCC to my office has never been better than today, I swear.

To be alive is to feel death and rebirth.

Think about it. Oh, and happy happy weekend guys!

P/S: By the way, the PTD Assessment Details are out. So u can check via www.spa.gov.my I am at Kemaman of all places in Malaysia. But, yea.. it's cool to have your name posted on the government webbie. I am indeed one of the 1995 people listed. Smiles... and I dont need that "over-rate myself" thingy from Pres. I know what I am worth, so shuv up urs boi!

Sub-P/S: Oh yea, Happy April Fools guys!

The Highest Order Of All Complications In Life