The Highest Order Of All Complications In Life: December 2006

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

bummer, the aftermath

Just three days of beautiful nothings. Last minute indulging of what's left of this blissful holidays - watching Gol & Gincu till almost midnight.

Then today happened. The aftermath.

Sometimes, I wonder, did the holiday did me any good. I woke up having my eyes swollen, a bad throat and not forgetting the anual event of my wisdom tooth trying its best to give me the worst headache cum temper to the point I am about to explode just any minute now.

For three consecutive days, I had the best 11 hours sleep, so I shouldnt be complaining. Man, I dont even wanna be here, at work I mean.

Believe it or not, I woke up today, having to contemplate whether to give in to my wisdom tooth wrath by visiting the nearest tooth fairy cum my kind dentist and seek an appointment with him to just have it out.

My gums are swollen. I have this pain on my right jaw. And finding it hard to look down, you know that feeling when you have begok? Yes, that is it.

Fortunate me had all four them wisdom tooth, I did not find any wisdom in them, except pain and agony I face alone. Plus the extraction cost me RM 350 each. I brought 2 of them, so I have this other two to live with. Oh, lucky me for having this supposedly extra wisdom.

There's only one good thing I am holding onto, the fact that I am left with only 3.5 days to survive before the weekend, then its the holidays again. These holidays does me good, only if they dont make me feel so nauseatic afterwords.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Season's Greetings

I don’t actually celebrate Christmas, but when you are living in Malaysia, you practically celebrate every celebration that’s there. It’s either the lights decoration in town, or the adverts on TV, or the cards displayed on the shelves and the best, the public holiday that comes with it, it’s like a package you cant avoid. And it’s nothing I’m gonna complain about.

I love being a Malaysian, the beautiful colours, the cultures, the different languages. Everything is so rojak, even the way people speak mah…

Well, I think what I like most about Christmas is the present giveaways. I'm not the receiving end, but I think giving and making suprises can be fun. Yesterday, I bought one for myself. Since the pay is in for the month already, why not?

I got myself the U218 Singles album with fantastic oldies like With or Without You, Mysterious Ways. I'm all jingling happy. I have decided to go shopping again on Christmas day, there's this Gap top that I have been eyeing for more than a month already. So, if it fits me well, I'm getting it.

I strongly believe in this. When you fall in love with something, if it's with a price tag, get it, because not always the things you fall in love with comes with a price tag.

With that, Merry Christmas ya'll. And of course Happy New Year, and Slamat Hari Raya Aidiladha. Pres will be having a lembu korban-ed this year. Ader rezeki lebih, alhamdullilah.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

What Life Has To Offer

I used to live in past. Many months ago, but these days, I dont. Read an article about it in Cleo this month's edition.

These days things are doing it good for me. I no longer feel like the world has put its back on me. I'm not saying that my life is perfect. But it's what that I make most of it. The feeling of happiness. And I get that in every breath I take. Maybe I had my time. Maybe I did time living in a hollow cell.

And finally it is here to embrace me. I dont even know what is it, is it love? Is it stability? Whatever it is, it feels gooood. Finger licking gooood.

Having to know that some people who lost hope and gave up on me once, is amazed when they find out that I came out of it, is priceless. Oh well, it's good to be the pits, now that I am out of it. Besides, life aint about failing, it's about getting up when failure hits you.

I guess there is a recipe to that. Courage with a tinge of boldness and faith. If I had a name for it, it'll called curibofth. Doesnt even sound exotic, but it did me good from where I stand now.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

On fours

It's been 3 years and a month since I've had Aljay. Like Eragon and his dragon, Aljay is my version of Saphirra. He's always been my pride and joy. I've always considered him as my lucky charm, as after 2 weeks of his birth, I met Pres. And I remembered what Pres' pick up line, he said "if you wanna do some modifications with your car, gimme a call" hence the exchange of phone numbers.

Pres did shop rims for Aljay today. It was long due, and having a new look made my Aljay-boy all handsome. Here's pictures I took about 15 minutes ago.

If it's shoes for ladies, it's the rims for Aljay boy

VIP officiating Aljay's new quads of shoes

Well, I think he looks swell. But everyone else had different thought on them, Nathra said it looks horrid. Tasha thinks it looks sporty. Mom wasnt encouraging me into getting them. She said next year I can buy a new car so why waste money on it. Dad gave the usual, "hmm" look, meaning he approves, but that's it.

Firstly, it was Pres' present to Aljay. I was suprised when he called in to ask if I wanna come down to the shop to choose the rims. And selling Aljay, hell NO!! He's worth way more than the amount anyone can offer. Plus, damn those rims looks swell.

I think tomorrow he'll go for a shower and shine, and damn, he's gonna look spanking hot. With that, it's been a great weekend. I wished it will never end.

Happy Munday ppl, hope tomorrow you will find the courage just to get out of bed, because that, I find the toughest to do on a Munday.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Battleship

For some apparent reason, I was unable to get into the world wide web. And it is frustrating. Almost as if I was denied my venting facilities.

I was gonna write a lil about teamwork. And then probably just let my fingers do it’s writing, which is what I do most of the time.

I’m just gonna go ahead with it on Microsoft Word, and later when I have access, I will update me blog. Oh looks like I aint the only one frustrated here. There’s this other person trying to use Starbucks free facilities. However, disappointed, she left.

So here it goes…

My kinda job environment requires teamwork. Like a football game, it’s got its playmaker, the manager, the strikers, mid fielder, and the other guys. Having said that, you can almost recognize that my knowledge on football works aren’t as accurate as my passion of watching these guys do their thing on the field. But yes, my job’s a bit like the game, or rather war. War requires teamwork as well, if you really wanna win the battle with glory.

You’ve got the lead who’s like the team playmaker, and the captain and he plays defence too, all at one go. No wonder lead engineers easily earn a five figure on monthly basis, excluding overtime, mind you. Five figures meaning not just 10K, we are talking at least 30K here, depending on number of years in service and experience. You’ve got the senior engineers who do what a pro-striker does. He plays defence when he gets the chance, and most of the time, he manage to mould himself into one of them leads, if he acquires passion and interest in taking up the post.

Then, on second line, you have the engineers, the people with 3 years experience or so. This people carry out studies and assist the seniors and lead into achieving their goals. Mind you, it’s the seniors and lead’s goal that they achieve. They are like the infantry units. And the stronger and harder your infantry works, hence better results achieved.

Lastly, you have the substitutes, like me. Less then 3 years experience. All in all, I should only be called now and then to play. But, my mentor treats me like a true engineer, which is why I work never less than 12 hours. I’m not considered as a fresh substitute but you get them, every time the company decides to hire freshies.

When one of your team mates gets banged, you feel the impact. You try your best to do whatever it is to help one another. When he/she stays in writing reports during meal times, you offer to get them a quick bite from Cold Storage. Now, that’s teamwork in process engineering or the other disciplines too. I try to be a cheerleader too at times, often a mascot. Just to have some laugh in a stressful environment. I try my best to help my mentor, who’s the lead for the current project, just so that he wont throw P&IDs to my other team mates.

In fact, today I screwed up a particular calculation. I owned up to it, and rectified the problem. Explaining to him was the hard bit, but to my surprise, he didn’t get mad. Must be my lucky day.

I’m gonna let you in on a secret, with all this hard work, I don’t think I want to work my way up to becoming a lead. The stress is just too much for me to handle up there. I’d rather be given a study to carry out and I will come up with the concept and solution to it. Besides, what am I to do with 30K every month? The amount of shopping load is just too heavy to bare.

Then again, I can always hire someone to carry all that baggage for me now, cant I?

It’s almost 2pm, marks the end of my lunch break. Back to the battlefield again.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Spellbinding

The music is almost deafening. In the background you hear loud knocking of bowling pins getting nailed. But that doesnt bother you at all.

Truth is, you hear the words in your head. Spelling it out is not a problem. And here I am alone, yet I feel like I'm speaking to you personally as I type the words out, as if I am having a chat with you.

The crowd yells as some alec manage to score a strike. But that doesnt bother me. The words keep coming.

Truth is when I am with you, I feel like I own the world. Like there's no boundaries. Like I can say anything. Anything at all, and nothing offends you. And with you comforting silence, I hear you. And all my problem for the day is gone. My aching eyes feel the warmth with your soothing voice. Truth is, you make me feel like the world is at the tap of my fingers.

When the whole world has turned its back on me, here you are still. Anticipating for my return.

It's when I feel completely lost in you, that I find myself. Whole again.

Passion.

Is what I feel for you.

Turning green

Normally when I have nothing good to say to someone or I just dont fancy getting chummy chummy with someone, I act like it. I show it. I'm not one of them patronising hypocrites.

And so I do the same everywhere else. It was something my dad just told me. If you have nothing nice to say to someone, so shut your gap. Of course he didnt put it that way. But I get the point.

But what if in all that silence you still get one of this muthafuckers coming to you with mean remarks. It's as if I had the sign "if you are a motherfucker, then come and have a chat with me".

See this is my office. Nope, micro that, my department. I dont see why all the other departments are fine and rocking it. My department is filled with mat kuchengs to begin with. The only reason I stay on is because I love my job and my mentor has been great to me. I just think this is pure jealousy.

I'm thinking, rather than all that queer remarks, I'd rather have them come up to me and say it to my face. Admit it. "I'm jealous". And it will all be over.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

So what do you do when someone says:

"Saya teruja menunggu results combined cooler power" with penuh suara horny right at the back of you?

Now lemme think of remarks or reply to that one...

1 - Saya pun teruja membuat exercise ini
2 - Saya rasa awak seorang yg psycho dan menakutkan kerana awak teruja dgn benda process engineering ini
3 - Woi, giler ke apa?
4 - Try saying that in English, I swear you are sick. That's a sick thought.
5 - or diam buat tak dengar
6 - laugh out loud!

And I chose option number six, because:

1 - He's my boss
2 - Damn, that's like the weirdest thing to ever say.
3 - I was being nice but still amused by just the thought of it.
4 - That is the fastest comeback I can think off.
5 - (this is embarassing to admit) but I was imagining stuff, you know how my imagination can just run wild.

Whatever it is, me laughing made him retrieve and return to his lair (his office).

Whatever it is, he's damn nice to actually write Fuel Gas Study report for me.

Story 2:
Last nite before I slept, I had a five minute thought on mb again, as if he brushed through my mind for a second. You know you are so over that guy when you dont check up on him on a daily basis. I dont check up on him these days, ever. Pres was right about it. I just needed closure. Eventhough the last time I met him, we never spoke, but seeing him like that, the fact that he never changed. People move on. But this guy just never forgave I guess. And the biggest thing is my thought about him. It changed. He's not so much of that "great guy" after all. I used to think he was made of steel. To think about it, I havent met enough people to come up with that justification. And today I have. And they are all nice to me. I wonder sometimes, what they see in me over all the rest.

Because I am just a complicated girl stucked with life to cope with.

I wake up feeling great these days. Confident. Blessed. With everything I could ever asked for. I asked my boss about the project. When it will be over. He said it will be in June. And so, that's when you guys will get my card afterall. The wedding bells will ring not far from June I guess. Love is agony. I thought finding the ONE was hard. I guess staying forever as ONE is tougher.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Fear Factor

I learnt something new about myself. It was a first time encounter. Two minutes stucked in a jerking lift did it all for me on Monday. Oh ma Gad! I thought I was gonna die. I swear I was on the ground. Trying to hold the walls of the lift as if I was Spidergirl or something.

How often can anyone experience this? Getting stucked in a lift. Eventhough, it never came tru my mind before this, and eventhough I was not alone. There was this other guy, but still.

It was horror.

Anyway, I found something new to try out. And I'd tell you in a month or two if it's a success.

Till then guys...

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Walking with head down

Sometimes I say stupid things.

Think of stupid things.

Over analyse stuff.

Anger venting its called.

Yesterday's blog is just one of them examples.

Most of the time, I'm level headed.

And so I'm sorry for it. I am after all the highest order of all complications. At least I have the gutts to admit it.

:)

Friday, December 01, 2006

I wanna be an aligator

It's been a year since the day I am an employee at where I work. And truthfully, behind all that chaos and pressure at work, its been a pleasure. Working here somehow brings my up my confidence. I walk in and out the doors like I own the world. And the day I manage to complete a task and submit it, the feeling of it is priceless.

Today my mentor got so hyped up by the word "Algorithm". Yes, remembered it from his uni days. He says it sounds like "aligator". Personally, these things about him amazes me. I think it's cute.

Tomorrow signifies 3 years of relationship with pres. It is the longest relationship I had ever. Before I met him, I started believing that the problem is me. I still do but I dont care.

To tell you the truth I am not feeling really good at the moment. If I could kill anyone it would be him. I am so angry and furious at the moment that ending the almost 3 years relationship with him would make me feel good. It is not like I havent had other offers in between, eventhough they know I have him.

Im thinking here, does that make them idiots or make me an idiot for not accepting the offer.

Today I feel used. I feel like shit. I feel like doing something I could have done but refrained myself from.

I am so pissed off. There's this guy in my office who looks exactly like Bernard Chandran. Oh, he's just a supper hottie. Thing is, he is a client. From Petronas. And I took the lift with him but never said hi. Hi is usually not a problem, but with this guy, it is. He caught me smoking the other day, we looked but never uttered a word.

Maybe I should the next time.

The Highest Order Of All Complications In Life