Nobody listens to my soft cries
I am a "happy go lucky" they say.Well, everyone has ways to channel their worries, so that we'll live longer. And not die of heart attack or something. So do I. I potray myself to the public as a joker. It is better than just to look sorrowful. Plus I dont wanna show I am depressed and hopeless. Nobody likes a goner rite?
At nite, I cry softly my pain away. I sometimes feel sick of living a lie. Men. And what they can do to you. I used to think I was ugly, because he (mb) said so. I used to think I bring disgust. I used to hate my physical. It was the cause of my heartbreaks. Because I wasnt pretty. Thanks to you who made it clear (and told the whole kampung about it!).
I cried because I was ugly. But I didnt ask to be that way.
I cried because I was unwanted due to what I am. For those I adore failed to see who I am. Because beauty was skindeep. Because beauty was all men seek. Because girls were men's lil trophies.
So, I challenged myself. So I decided to be plastic, like every other girl out there.
Today I cry not because of any mentioned above, yet I cry because he who beholds my heart is not mine.
Funny but I dont want him. I just want answers, and my most precious belonging. My vulnerable HEART.
Questions... the 'could have been?'s, 'what if-s?' and the 'whys?'. The unanswered enigma of what's left in my hollow heart plays, when I lay to sleep.
And all that boils to one... I am unfaithful. By not doing anything, but by the mere thought of the past. Just the thought and I am cheating my baby. And I feel sinful. A million sorries and it's still not going to justify my wrongs to baby.
How confused, how sorry I feel for me, for baby... How pathetic...
And therefore, I cry myself to sleep.
I sleep away my worries. My unforgetable past, mb.
And no one listens to my cries as I sleep but the sounds on silence...
Note: mb is the guy who took my heart yet buried in the depths of the oblivion.
posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 10:40 AM
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