Glory Or Wealth?
A man of integrity and noble of heart would answer glory. But I dont blame those who says wealth. I fall into the latter category myself. If you asked me a year ago, it would have been glory. Not till I actually went out there, played the game of life, and faced mankind.Everyday, I come across people who complain about life. Most of them, are in fact doing very well in life, but hope to seek glory. Or maybe just a change, or worst, dont really know what they want. Some have vision of their hearts desire, but dont know how to go about achieving it, or probably dont have the gutts?
I admit, I am probably in the midst of scouting my desires. Something that makes me smile when I sleep, and at the same time, will bring the cash. Baby said, I taught him that life was easy, if you want something, go and get it. Well, baby doesnt know that it is easier said than done. Sometimes, my thoughts and advices come slapping in my face. I can almost hear them say "eat it!"
Well, I hope Malaysians wont turn into the japanese with all that suicidal deals and how many of you heard kids (teens) who keep themselves cooped up in their rooms like 24-7? These kids actually refuse to even breath the air outside the room, let alone outside their houses. I have seen this documentary on tv while i was in the UK. It's about a boy, how his mom leaves food at his door during mealtimes and collects his dirty dishes when he's done.
I have a 16 year old cousin who does it. But in his case he doesnt get out of his house. Only to go to school he would. Or else it will be astro world. I swear, this astro thing is getting to kids, someday someone might sue A.K. for coming up with it. What is happening to this world? Somehow I thank my parents for not letting me grow up too fast. How I pity those who did. Funny but my cousin's parents fail to see that he is actually having some screw up there loose. I am not saying my cousin is crazy, but he seriously needs help. Ironically, everyone thinks that he is an angel just staying at home. I either think he is sissy (who seriously need a godamn bashing to get goin with) or he is freak out when circumstances shoves the world without mommy and daddy.
Now me, I would like to venture. To travel. Maybe to meet people. I had three years in UK, but I only started learning one year before I left the UK. And how good I felt at that time, only I knew. I do wish I had baby to share it with. And maybe it is time. To go and explore life without mommy and daddy, but with my baby (damnit, the bloody thing rhymes!)
This has nothing to do with the said thing above. I learnt a lesson last nite, that I can never share everything I felt with the one I wanna build 'my-so-called life'. Why? Coz there are things just meant not said, not done but shhsh about. And that was one of it. Like the case of the ex. Case of the annoying best friend. There are just tiny weeny times, when I do miss my own company. When I miss just sitting out my window, enjoying the cold with ciggy. Cold. Just like me. Life were actually easier then. Lonesome, but easy. All I could care of is myself. All I could hurt is myself, getting hurt by me, coz I was untouchable, alone... but somehow, not complaining. I wonder how many girls out there feels like me?
I do ask myself if I want to go back to that place. Funny, but at times, the answer is affirmative, most of the time it is, coz that is when the question kicks in. WHen things go wrong. Today are one of those days.
Some of you might notice, there are days, when I am sooo in love, then there are days like these, or days when I think of 'he who I seriously shouldnt'. Well, that is how messed up I am. I know I need help, but consultation fees are killers. I would die of starvation before anything else. And plus, people who go and seek professional help are often called psychos. Well, I aint one of them ok.
Sometimes, I feel the need of running. Running... without a destination, take a stranger's ride and get to where my fate takes me. Just like my destiny. I still wonder how I will die someday. Baby is stuck in a cobb-web he can either choose to cut loose or not. I have learnt one thing after the conversation last nite, that I dont want to be there in the web. Someday, I might just free myself. And I do pray, that day will not come too soon. I will leave, just me, myself and I.
Like I said, life is funny. I am not happy with what I am getting, but I know a million others who would want to be half near as to where I am standing. Maybe this thought and believes are the only ones keeping on my stay at the point I am now.
Stationary, waiting to accelerate
posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 9:25 AM
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