bitter fruit
You know when your personality is changing.You just know it. There are signs, obvious ones. I am this bitter bitter person. My surroundings affect me. I am emotional. Yes I have heard that one too many times before. I react to the way others treat me. Whatever. I dont care. But maybe I do, I just dont show it.
At this point, I have a nice story to tell. About the kursus kawen I completed. But you know that feeling when you are down, disappointed and bitter about something, the sweet stuff just gets a bit blurry, that you tend to focus on the bitterness of life.
It's easy to just put them all aside. At this point I have myself to blame. So, why all this?
Just one small incident can change everything, after all they say I am emotional.
My collegues came to Kajang last nite for satay without calling me out to join on them. Yes, it is insignificant. But you know what? They are significant to me. These bunch of collegues. I considered them friends, you see. That, I have not many. Friends. Not when you work constantly for 12 hours minimum a day. When your home is your hotel. When you go home and you only have the cats to chat too. Not that I dont have my parents to talk to, I do, it's just that I am so drained, I dont want to be talked back to, I just want to be listened to.
You get that feeling? You dont, well nevermind. I tell myself, all this will be over. I will get myself out of this shit hole and go to some place where people are of my league and my wavelength. It's not like I didnt try to fit in. I did. My it's my words that push them away. That just explains the fact that they never really wanted to know me.
So, today, I decided. I will make them insignificant. So, I wont get hurt again. So, if they have satay at Kajang without inviting me to join them, it wouldnt matter anymore.
posted by WaBBa Fe$H @ 1:18 PM
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